Change is inevitable. Learning optional.
The only thing we know about the future is that it will be different. ~Peter Drucker~
We had somewhat of a crisis around here this morning, our phone service provider, including cell phones, was out of commission, (a city-wide outage) until 2pm. We just got back up and running a bit ago. This was a “crisis” outside of our direct control, which got me thinking about how so many changes are happening these days. It is easy to get off track.
Many people are experiencing a challenging business environment these days—throwing them off balance. As a business owner with employees it is important to be aware that while your business may be doing okay, your employees may be feeling stressed from both inside the business changes and outside forces—outsourcing, downsizing, higher costs, family and friends experiencing job loss—throwing some into “crisis mode.”
Crisis equals change. Some changes are deliberate, while others are a result of the natural consequences of life. Since change usually happens from an external circumstance and most of the time, out of a person’s direct control e.g. layoff, job restructure, as managers, it is important to understand that “crisis mode” takes time to work through. One rarely can “snap out of it” or “just get over it.”
With change comes a state of transition. Many believe that transition is automatic—that it will occur because a change has happened. But it doesn’t. Even when a change appears to be positive, there is always a lag time in the understanding and acceptance of the change. Our first reaction is to deny, then defy, and then determine to take action.
Transition happens slower than change. It takes longer because it requires people to undergo internal changes, e.g. grief, regret, disappointment, learnings, some which can be upsetting. As a manager, it is usually best to empathically listen. At times, just confirming someone’s sanity is all that can be done. Change can happen fast—transition and understanding the change (transition) does not.
Change is inevitable. Learning and growing from it are optional.
Have a great day in whatever your adventure,
To Success! To Life!
Sharon
Is what you settled for taking up space for what you really want?
"The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it is the same problem as last year. " ~John Foster Dulles~
Not getting the results you want?
Ask yourself: “Is this something I really want to be doing or was it someone else’s idea?”
Is it something you want? Then schedule your success.
Here are three principles that we can use to be successful.
1. Stay focused. Most problems are solved the same way; it’s just the details that are different.
—Make a decision. Be clear about your intentions and outcomes. Clear intentions lead to solid results. Intentionality drives creativity. Creativity drives results. Results drive outcomes.
—Focus is not force. Do not force an outcome. Outcomes may arrive differently then we expect. Leave room for the unexpected to amaze you. Stay focused on your outcome while continuing to listen to the guiding voice within.
2. Quit tolerating mediocre. To attract the results you want, first, commit the time and space for what you really want.
—Set clear boundaries. If you no longer accept being dragged down by unwanted events, problems or other people’s behavior, you’ll stop wasting time managing situations that are not or should not be there anyway. Sometimes we get bogged down in the "shoulda, woulda, coulda and what-ifs" of each situation—these usually revolve around blurred boundaries. Sometimes, we need to let go of situations or things that are not moving us in the direction we want to go.
3. Put your heart into your intention and the world. We can all have the best of intentions but let’s be honest… do you have a burning desire to see it through to completion?
—Implement your plan. Make your plan simple and flexible. Deliberately set accountability steps to achieve what you want. Develop a highly efficient and effective routine around your accountability steps. Each step gets you closer to what you want. Let others know of your dreams, intention and desired outcome.
The best (and worst) part of life is it’s up to you to get the results you want.
“Each of us has two ends: one to sit with, one to think with. Success depends on which one you use; heads you win — tails you lose.” ~Anonymous, humor and wisdom greatly appreciated~
Have a great day in whatever your adventure
To Success! To Life!
Sharon
Beyond Lip Service welcomes Lorraine Edey
Beyond Lip Service welcomes author Lorraine Edey, a Certified Imago Relationship Coach. Imago means image. Imago relationship coaching provides a skill building process to help individuals learn and understand their unconscious thought and behavior pattern that influence the success or failure of relationships. This includes close personal relationships with spouses or partners, family, friends and relationship in the workplace. We will ask her too reveal her top communication success strategies!! It’s going to be good.
Is your business coming to a screaming halt?
The workplace is under pressure these days. Many companies are feeling extra stress as the economic downturn continues. This extra stress can lead to conflict in the workplace, but it doesn’t have to. Often thought of as negative, conflict can lead to constructive change.
Understanding what I call “Chair 2” (the other guy) is key. Before jumping to any conclusions as tension rises, ask yourself the following questions—
- What are his* needs in this situation? Does he need more information or resources to be successful? Or, is it on the emotional level as a need for a feeling of safety, or more control?
- Is his work and style different than mine? Is he more reactive or proactive? Does he enjoy risk or tranquility? Is he performing a function outside of his job requirements or expertise?
- What are his expectations and perceptions of this situation? What does he expect to happen? What does he want to happen? In what ways may he perceive what is happening? Does he feel respected and valued? Does he need latitude or rules?
- What are some possible outcomes he wants from this conflict? What would be the best resolution for him? Does he view the situation as win-win or a lose-lose? Has he placed himself in the role of victim or a “have-not?”
- Are other conflicts affecting this one? It may be conflicts of time, scheduling, money, resources, company policies even personalities or different personal values.
- Is this a power struggle? Most of us have experienced situations where associates have wielded their power in inappropriate ways. Is this situation a power struggle for territory, resources, attention… Power struggles often cause intentional or unintentional aggressive or passive-aggressive (sabotage) behavior.
As with so many things, it is in how we perceive what is happening that determines the outcome. The more information and “views” we can acknowledge, the better the resolution will be for all.
As you identify what caused the conflict, it is easier to choose the best strategy to move towards resolution.
Have a great day in whatever your adventure
To Success! To Life!
Sharon
* For ease of reading, I have chosen to use as a generic the word “he.” This in no way implies “she” can not experience conflict.
Is it SWIRLING all around you?
I don’t know about you, but I can’t listen to any news broadcast these days that isn’t full of doom and gloom. Perhaps you are feeling it in one way or another too, maybe the pocketbook…
As a child, my beloved Aunt Myrtle used to say “You are about as wealthy as you make up your mind to be.” As I grew older, I have heard “about as happy as you make up your mind to be,” but she meant more than happy—wealthy is more than a feeling, it is a state of being—wealthy in body, mind, spirit and pocketbook.
Lately, in our coaching practice we hear words of resignation… it’s understandable, but no way to live and thrive. Why resignation? The simple answer is: if not watchful, you may tend to pick up the thoughts, feelings and habits of those around you.
With the news full of depression and despair, it wreaks havoc on our imagination and creatively—two necessary items needed to change any situation. Imagining something better leads to possibilities, possibilities lead to creativity, which leads to new beginnings.
We are more powerful than any present circumstance.
The trick is to be aware of the world around you without it shattering you. Stay open to change. Transfer your focus to other things (sometimes I have the world’s cleanest bathrooms.) Let it go, even for a short while. Allow the subconscious to work with imagination and creativity. By letting go and shifting focus, we shift energy away from the problem and "energize" possibilities.
If you have ever survived something, maybe a medical condition, a job loss, an accident… somewhere inside you, you have already discovered that even though you have not beaten the odds of bad things happening, you have used your imagination and creativity to overcome them.
Limitations are a trick of the mind. You may not be responsible for a less-than-desirable event, but you are responsible for your choice in how you react or resolve it. Once you make up your mind to achieve what you want, you will find a way around obstacles.
"Within you right now is the power to do things you never dreamed possible. This power becomes available to you just as soon as you can change your beliefs." ~Maxwell Maltz~
Have a great day in whatever your adventure,
To Success! To Life!
Sharon
Be Irresistible
Last week, we talked about a solution for what to do when asked for free product or services. (If you missed it, check the blog.) Today, let’s look at the other “freebie”—the irresistible offer to attract attention. Let your customer “test-drive” before they buy…
Part of quality customer sales and service is making sure your product or service is a good fit. Have you ever taken a car for a test drive? Did that test drive influence your buying decision? If your target market typically wants to try before they buy—test drives, samples, and trial offers—are some of the best marketing money you can spend. Giving out an irresistible trial offer shows that you believe in your product. Make it part of your marketing budget. It is easy to budget the cost by placing a time or quantity limit. A “free offer” is not a stand-alone offer. It must be part of a carefully planned sales follow-up system for later contact and buying opportunities.
What makes an offer irresistible?
Most of us know the idea behind any "free trail" or "product give-away" is to generate leads. The "reward" must be something they want–a hot dog and pony ride will, most likely, not entice a person to buy a sports car…and the perceived gain/value must far outweigh the difficulty of getting the “test drive.” It also lowers return rate and generates long-term customer loyalty.
As you ask for information in return for your irresistible offer, be aware, they may be thinking, is this a scam? Collect enough information to contact them again, but not so much as to scare them away. Just like a first date, go slow as you build the relationship. If you believe your product is the best, show them, so they can believe it to.
Have a great day in whatever your adventure
To Success! To Life!
Sharon
Cashing in on Thank You.
I think we have all heard from our customers, “It will just take a minute…” or “Just one little change….” Nothing takes a minute and any change always changes something else.
It’s a fine line we walk as small businesses. It is very easy for customers to ask us to bend the rules, do just one little thing, just this one time… especially if it is a long-time customer. They know where the buck stops—not so easy to claim company policy when they know you are the company. Or what about a new prospect, with offers of huge orders and loads of work… I know we’ve all done it at one time or another, given prospects or customers something in return for a hope of more work or orders. There is nothing wrong with that as a business practice. Although, I recommend staying away from its close cousins "trade and barter." Just remember, if you get to the point where you feel you are being taken advantage of—you are.
We all want to be seen as having excellent customer service. We all want to be as helpful as possible, that’s great as long as it doesn’t become the norm of your company. At some point, sooner or later, you must get paid for your time and product, otherwise you are running a charity not a business. Here is one solution for balance while walking that fine line of excellent customer service and being taken advantage of.
- Invoice all the work you do.
- Put the real time and dollar amount on the invoice.
- Place a zero or the reduced rate at Balance Due.
- Attach a very short statement
— Explain the exception made, bonus given, etc.
— Express pleasure in the giving, appreciate the continued business, etc.
The type of requests above for “freebies” is not the same as an irresistible free offer to attract attention. Giving out an irresistible trial offer shows that you believe in your product. It is part of your marketing budget and has a planned follow-up system and time or quantity limit. It is one way for the customer to “test-drive” before they buy… more about the value of those next week.
Thank you may make you feel good but it doesn’t pay the rent.
Have a great day in whatever your adventure
To Success! To Life!
Sharon
Wildflowers or weeds
If your life has become root-bound and you have stopped growing, it is time to re-pot.
~Lucy MacDonald~
Your attitude can spread like wildflowers or weeds… Finally had a few moments of nice weather here in the Northwest. I planted a few blossoms. It’s been a late spring and many have been in a sour mood around here.
Develop a positive attitude
The way you think does affect your life. Listen to yourself sometime. What is your "self-talk" saying? Is much of it negative? Your self-talk may be affecting you.
The key to living free from negative self-talk is to remember you are in charge of yourself and the self-talk. Next time you hear negative self-talk running through your head, take a moment and consciously shift.
Positive self-talk may feel like it is taking only "baby-steps," but soon the negative will be replaced by the positive. Consider trying a couple of these ideas next time you want to develop a more positive attitude:
- Own your feelings. They are part of you. Accept them and commit to changing them.
- Rewrite your negative self-talk. Take a piece of paper and jot down the negative thoughts that are running through your head. Now, right under it state that same thought, but in the positive. E.g. “How stupid can I be. I ate that whole cake” rewritten "I re-commit to eating healthy.”
- Give voice to the self-talk. Find a trusted friend or counselor and ask for permission to just vent for a while. Holding it in can lead to frustration, hurt, anger, etc. Once done, state it in the positive and get on with it.
- Find the humor in the negative self-talk and situation. Some of the funniest stories are based on bad times. Write a humorous letter to someone dear recounting the situation.
- Walk the dog. Call a friend, volunteer, read a book, take a bubble bath or just blow bubbles…
“The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind.” ~ William James~
Have a great day in whatever your adventure.
To Success! To Life!
Vampires are lurking
They are out there. Energy vampires are just waiting for a weak moment. Energy vampires are those you allow to “cross your line.” They usually have no conscious awareness they are “stepping across the line.” That is why I like the word vampires: energy vampires go about life “unconscious of their effect on others” and if allowed to, will suck you dry.
Energy vampires push boundaries. Having clear boundaries is essential to a balanced lifestyle. The placement of boundaries is directly related to self-concept and feelings of self-worth. Someone with weak emotional boundaries can end up feeling drained and wounded by others even if no fang marks are visible. Fang marks can be
- Excess criticism. It doesn’t even have to be about you to drain you, “Did you see the way that waitress treated me?”
- Personal attack. “You’re stupid to think that.” “You can’t do that!”
- Misplacement of responsibility. Commonly called guilt, "How come you didn’t stop me!"
Boundary setting problems come from distorted views about control and responsibility. Our perceptions and expectations will affect the kind and degree of boundaries set with individuals. Many are good at setting certain boundaries with certain people, yet cannot set boundaries with others. Setting boundaries can produce feelings of guilt and emotional debt. People with blurred boundaries may feel:
- it is mean to hold people responsible for their choices and behaviors
- the other person will not make the right choice
- the need to control, protect or shelter someone
Sometimes people do have burdens too big to bear. They need our strength, time, support and knowledge. Sometimes they just think the burdens are too big to bear. Good boundaries support and encourage others without carrying them.
Any confusion of responsibility and ownership is a problem of blurred boundaries. Blurred boundaries can cause people to lose track of what belongs to them and what belongs to the other person. Surrender the need to control everything and everybody in life.
Similar to the concept of physical property lines, the owner of the property is responsible for what happens within that property. Non-owners are not responsible. Remember, behaviors have consequences… Experience your consequences and let others experience theirs. Protect your Self. Energy vampires will suck you dry if you let them.
Have a great day in whatever your adventure.
To Life! To Success!
Sharon
Not always the Intention…
Last week, I attended an advanced Presentation Workshop. We were to give a presentation while the group acted as our audience. At times, "the audience" asked questions. Some of the questions surprised me. I did not think they had a specific relationship to my presentation. I realized, after reflection, the audience received a different central point than what I intended.
Basic ABCs of Intentions: ambiguity, beliefs, and contradictions
Regardless of our intention, there may be more than one answer. Think of all those "Yeah, but…" and "What if…" times. Ambiguity, beliefs, and contradictions exist everywhere, in spite of our desire for clarity.
They can be caused by thoughts and feelings, unresolved emotions, ignored life lessons, outdated information, or by external forces wanting us to not change, change, or believe they way they do.
The intention for my presentation was: To give a concise, ten-minute presentation on my topic. However clear and positive my intention was to me, the presentation ran smack into several well-entrenched beliefs of some audience members…
Attention to Intention
Premise: We cannot change anyone but ourselves. No matter how positive our intention, it may be misunderstood. There is an NLP saying that goes: "The response you got is the message you sent." Meaning, it isn’t your intention behind what you said that matters, it is how it is received that matters…
To reduce ambiguity, beliefs and contradictions consider that an intention must have three things for it to possibly succeed. They are:
- Take some time to clear about what you want. Make sure to state it in the positive. A statement of what you want, not what you don’t want. The unconscious mind does not recognize negatives. Example, as I tell you not to think of the pink elephant, what are you thinking of, right now?
- It must be completely controlled by you. I did not have control over the audience reaction. An intention to get someone to behave differently is not controlled by you. It won’t work.
- If your intention is of the "global proportion", pare it down into manageable "nuggets." As you create these "nuggets" make a note of specific, sensory based "markers". What will you see, hear, and feel, when you complete each "nugget"? After completing each nugget, give your self a little Hi-Five celebration to keep you motivated. That’s it for today.
Have a great day in whatever your adventure.
To Life! To Success!
Sharon
