Posts in Communications
You Can’t Believe Everything You Read
I was attending a presentation of “How To Give Effective Presentations” last Tuesday. You may wonder why I would attend, well, I’m a firm believer that there is always something to learn. I’m always looking for new or improved information, tips or tricks to bring you…. I was disappointed though, as the “professional” quoted a long-held belief about non-verbal communication.
(I won’t get into my rant about beliefs and questioning what we think we know, what we know we know, and what we believe we know—that would be a whole other note to you.)
She repeated the long held belief that "non-verbal communication is 93% of the entire communication,"— well, not exactly…. You may have read that formula numerous times, the numbers are accurate in the context in which they were achieved — remember like in most things context rules.
The often quoted formula for the power of non-verbal communication is:
7% of the understood meaning from the language (the words used)
38% of the understood meaning is from the other auditory components such as tone and volume
55% of the understood meaning is from the visual component such as the non-verbals including gestures
But that is not exactly true in reality and it’s important that we understand why it is not — these numbers came from controlled studies in a lab. Anytime we see numbers, particularly ones we choose to use to guide us, we need to be very clear about how those numbers were formulated. First we have to understand that research studies rarely reflect real life situations. For instance, these numbers came from a series of research studies by Albert Mehrabian, Professor Emeritus of Psychology, and his team at UCLA, that looked at how we use and understand interpersonal communication. He was interested in how listeners get their information when listening to a speaker, some questions he was looking to answer were:
- Was it from his/her "attitude"?
- Was it from their facial expression, their tone, or their words – or a combination of those?
- And what if they were sending mixed or conflicting signals – their body did not match their words?
The researchers found they could not truly segregate the different components. The measures they came up with by combining studies was they did come up with the measures of .07, .38, and .55, respectively but noted that the combined effect of communication had to be taken in consideration. Mehrabian and his team has written about the deep limitation to their research. The notes of the researchers own concerns is rarely stated, now that is it out in the common "knowledge base." So, that’s where these widely (mis)quoted numbers come from.
Do The Numbers Really Matter?
But numbers aside, the fact is that listeners take it all in, the visual, tonal and verbal cues and the percentage derived from each will vary depending on the action of the speaker, the context of the communication, how well they speaker and listener know each other, on and on…even what mood they are in….
Even if we edit the 93% number and only said it was half, that would still be 46.5%, (almost 50%)! No matter what the true numbers are, even if it is 50%, the bottom line is we all know that when someone’s body isn’t matching what their mouth is saying we walk away from the experience wondering in the best case, if we understood what they were saying, and in the worse case, if we can trust them. What we do with our body language including facial expressions, gestures and body movements is important. We need to strive to have our body be an accurate reflection of not just our words, but the true meaning of our words.
References:
Mehrabian, Albert and Morton Wiener, 1967, "Decoding of inconsistent communications," Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 6:109-114
Mehrabian, Albert and Susan R. Ferris, 1967, "Inference of attitudes from nonverbal communication in two channels," Journal of Consulting Psychology 31:248-252.
Daniel Druckman, Richard M. Rozelle, and James C. Baxter. 1982. Nonverbal Communication: Survey, Theory, and Research" Sage Publications 1982, pages 84-85.
Clean Language is a great tool for helping people to understand themselves
Last year I had the pleasure of interviewing – and then meeting in person – Marian Way, who came all the way from England to teach a class on 'Clean Language' with my good friend Bev Martin. And I've just learned that she's returning in May this year and that she and Bev are offering a free teleseminar this coming Thursday to give people a chance to find out about this amazing, holistic coaching / therapeutic tool – and to 'meet' Marian in advance of the training itself.
That’s not what I said!
Communication is at the heart of all good relationships. But, it’s more than just the heart, it’s the lifeline to have things flow smoothly and stay connected. Sometimes what we say is a complete success where everybody is on the same page, we all feel good about the interaction, and have achieved our goals. Other times ending in total disaster—hurt feelings, confusion, anger, and, worse yet, tears or ruined relationships.
Communication is something we all know is necessary to keep any relationship strong and connected. If we put positive communication at the heart of what we say, then being a trusted, influential communicator requires a shift in thinking about how we view our verbal and non-verbal messages.
Mole hill misunderstandings risk becoming mountains.
Consider this scenario: Once again, Amy was bent over the bath tub washing Dick’s dog. Dick had promised to wash the dog, but instead he was watching TV. From the living room Dick yelled, “Let’s get an outside dog-tub with running hot water, it will make it easier to wash him.” The words had barely left his mouth before Amy was screaming, “He’s your dog; why don’t you wash him…and while you’re at it, who’s going to come up with the money to pay for a stupid outside dog bath!” Dick was dumbfounded. “It was just a suggestion,” he said.
Probably. But consider what Amy heard (and saw). Dick was watching TV while Amy was doing what Dick promised he’d do. Dick was yelling to be heard over the noise from the television. What Amy heard from the bathroom was Dick shouting, issuing a command. If you get a response that doesn’t match the message you think you sent, then you didn’t send the message you thought you did.
Too often, the message heard is different from the message sent—especially when emotions are involved. It is how each person perceives the context of the message, the emotions of both the listener and the speaker and their intentions that change the perception of the “rightness” or the “wrongness” of the message. As the example shows, both the speaker and the listener have their own unique filters that delete, distort and generalize what was said and heard. Accepting that the original message may not have been received in the way it was intended is essential to keeping the lines of communication flowing.
The first step in achieving communication that will really say what you mean, is to take a look at what is it you want to communicate and what is the best way to do it both verbally and non-verbally.
It’s too easy to point and say it’s the listener’s "fault." Maybe it’s true, but since we can’ control the other person’s emotions or response, take the responsibility for reviewing your own actions and communication first. Communication is not about who is right or wrong, but instead about helping each other see things from the other’s perspective. Many of these misunderstanding can be cleared up by simply acknowledging that there was a misunderstanding.
Tailor Your Message
Pam’s communication secret is to "Tailor Your Message." Communication happens regardless of whether we think about it or not—why not tailor the kind of information they want. An example Pam uses is if your boss says "Just the facts," then honor that request with giving them just the facts. Learn to create an awareness of what you are trying to accomplish
Whether your objective is to be a more effective as a leader, gain a promotion, or secure a new position, your ability to communicate credibly with others is a key factor in achieving a successful outcome, so listen in to this informative 30 minute interview.
Pamela S. Harper, founder and president of Business Advancement Inc., professional speaker, and author of the critically acclaimed book Preventing Strategic Gridlock®, discusses “The Keys to Credible Communication.”
For over 20 years, Pam Harper has helped companies going through gut wrenching change to accelerate progress toward their objectives. She has been featured in a variety of popular media outlets, including Business Week, Entrepreneur, and Investor’s Business Daily, and her articles have been published in a wide range of trade and professional journals. In addition to writing, Pam is a professional speaker. She is an honors graduate from Northwestern University, and is featured in Who’s Who of American Women and Who’s Who in America.
http://www.businessadvance.com — website
http://www.pamharper.com — blog
Author: Preventing Strategic Gridlock: Leading Over, Under & Around Organizational Jams To Achieve High Performance Results (Cameo Publications) Available through online outlets and neighborhood bookstores
On Beyond Lip Service we focus on taking Action in your life. Go beyond just giving lip service to what you want to do! Every Tuesday at 10am Pacific join Sharon Sayler as we go beyond lip service.
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/beyondlipservice
Can we just get rid of just…
Gosh the first week of November already, I just realized it’s been awhile since I dropped you a note, so many things are happening here at Impression Engineers, we’ve been working hard to create new and exciting stuff for all of you.
Just a little rant first:
Can we just get rid of just….
"Just" is just one of those words that just annoys me. It is just so misused these days. It’s just used way to often. I was just writing a quick email to someone today—as I was re-reading before sending I noticed I had unconsciously just added the word “just,” and it just hit me! How demeaning, no, just demeaning doesn’t quite describe it, condescending, well maybe not just condescending, patronizing maybe, well, really it is just so limiting.
The actual word "JUST" doesn’t mean any of those ways I just used it. As an adjective it means to be guided by truth, reason, justice, and fairness and as an adverb it can mean within a brief preceding time, by a narrow margin or exactly. So exactly why do we just misuse the word so often? As a communicator it is incumbent on us to speak what we mean, without qualifiers. Wouldn’t life just be so much simpler if we just vanquished about 90% of the times we use the word “just?”
Okay – whew – glad that is off my chest.
Some of what we have been up to since my last note…we have a great Get More Clients through Social Media MasterMind group *f*r*ee to all of you every Monday at 10 to 11am Pacific. Come join us, share with us what is working for you and learn from others. To join in register at: http://sharonsayler.com/zyv. You only have to register one time, it’s good through the end of the year.
And this "just" in…exciting news! My new book was picked up by the publisher John Wiley and Sons. Due out in June 2010, What Your Body Says (And How to Change the Message) Inspire, Influence, Build Trust, and Create Lasting Business Relationships, is about we can communicate are message with congruence, confidence and clarity.
Popular today is the phrase "leading from influence," this leading from influence primarily assumes influence from verbal communication. As we all know communication is about more than words. You can say one thing with your mouth, yet your body may contradict you— so let’s have our body match what our mouth says… To get to the next level in your career, you must communicate with your entire self.
It has the straight-up "how-to" on unifying what you say with what you do with your body, allowing you to connect with others on a whole new level and reach your full leadership potential. Watch here for more about new book and workshops (and the process of writing a book under a tight deadline!)
Have a great day whatever your adventure
To Success! To Life!
Sharon
Our Radio Show Beyond Lip Service welcomes Pamela Harper this Tuesday November 10th. Pamela Harper is founder and president of Business Advancement Inc., a professional speaker, and author of the critically acclaimed book Preventing Strategic Gridlock®. We will discuss “The Keys to Credible Communication.” For over 20 years, Pam has helped companies going through gut wrenching change to accelerate progress toward their objectives. She has been featured in a variety of popular media outlets, including Business Week, Entrepreneur, and Investor’s Business Daily, and her articles have been published in a wide range of trade and professional journals—it’s going to be a great interview.
Join me this Tuesday 1:00 PM Eastern/10AM Pacific for Beyond Lip Service at
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/beyondlipservice
Isn’t it time to make the right impression online too?
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A Vision in your Pocket…
With all the day-to-day stuff that bombards us and the unrelentless media blitz on the "crisis" it is easy to lose sight of why we are doing what we are doing…. Some days I just wonder who opened the clown-cage?
Quashing my passion, my vision???
Gosh, it is all tooooooo easy to lose motivation. When that happens, I notice I prefer to clean house… I know that sounds silly, but sometimes having my conscious mind focus on something else, like cleaning, allows my unconscious mind to solve problems, re-energize and re-set my "GO" button. Yesterday, during my last cleaning phase I found my Personal Vision Statement. I had written it several years ago, tucked it away for safekeeping, never to see the light of day until now…
A Personal Vision Statement is about identifying, in writing, your long range personal and business goals. Future-pace out 5 to 10 years or more then review with others that will be affected by these goals (family, business partners, etc.) Statements like these are important, especially if you are part of a small business. Share them with other decision makers in your business. If everyone is going in the same direction it helps create a cohesive workplace. If a team is chasing the same rabbit, the likelihood of catching the rabbit is much greater…then each team member chasing a different rabbit…
So, what do you stand for, what is your vision of success?
How would you know you are successful – what would you see? Hear? Feel?
I decided to keep my Personal Vision Statement in a "not so safe spot." I took several 2.5 x 3 index cards (half of a 3×5 card) and wrote one statement, goal, a step to achieve the goal, or an action I need to do on a card to remind myself of my long-term vision. (I tried post-it-notes, I prefer the sturdiness of the index card.)
I call them Personal Pocket Visions. I placed the cards where I will see them throughout the day. My refrigerator, mirror, purse, and monitor… each time I see a card, I think of not only what is written on the card, but my entire Vision. Take action, today, with your unique Personal Pocket Visions.
Have a great day in whatever your adventure.
To Success! To Life!
Sharon
p.s. Sharon’s Radio Show Beyond Lip Service. Join me this Tuesday 1:00 PM Eastern/10AM Pacific for Beyond Lip Service at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/beyondlipservice
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Mind Clutter…Imagine that…
A passing comment by my friend, Stephen, made me stop and think… It was a brilliant insight.
"What’s here that doesn’t need to be here? What’s not here, that needs to be here?"
We were talking about how we would train wait-staff about clutter on a restaurant table, but imagine the implications if you applied that insight to any problem…
– Is there physical, mental, and emotional clutter just hanging around?
– Are you holding on to ideas that no longer serve a purpose?
– Do you feel disorganized at work – physically, emotionally, and mentally?
Mind-clutter- things, ideas, and emotions that are blocking you from your potential.
1. Identify the essential. What is important?
2. Identify what to eliminate. What’s not essential?
3. Recognize the impacts of both essential and eliminate.
4. Let go.
5. Create strategies to stay de-cluttered.
"Three Rules of Work: Out of clutter find simplicity; From discord find harmony; In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." ~Albert Einstein
Have a great day whatever your adventure.
To Success! To Life!
Sharon
Family business – yes or no?
I recently was in conversation with Davender Gupta about his Blog Talk Radio Show where we talked about marketing and the family business. Here is part of our pre-interview…
D: First, let’s challenge the stereotypes… one is that to be a family business you must be small.
S: Absolutely family businesses come in all shapes and sizes, while most are privately held, many are public held – many call Wal-mart a family business. Family businesses in the US account for over 3/4 of all new job creation, over half of all employment that’s staggering.
We are a family owned business – my son and I own and operate Impression Engineers which is the company behind the brand sharonsayler.com
D: Self promotion and the family owned business is very similar to promotion of any business with the notable exception of "Do you want to brand yourself as a family owned business?"
S: That is a strategic move that needs to be carefully considered. By that I mean deciding to put your family (and privacy) with that the emotionally charged term "family values." Putting family values front and center can be a balancing act.
Connecting with those family values, mom and apple pie and you can have a loyal following. The downside is that if your company doesn’t walk the walk and talk the talk… choosing that strategy can actually harm your business. If clients think you are out of integrity, your business can go downhill rapidly… so before you take this strategic move, carefully consider the strength of the family.
Do you and by you I mean personally and the rest of your family members know how to keep business – business and family matters- family matters… that is only a question you can answer. But it is one of the first questions you should ask yourself when deciding to brand yourself as a family owned business.
D: That’s understandable, now lets look at some of the positives.
S: In this uncertain time, the traditional family values, all-for-one and one-for-all, honest hard work, loyalty strong relationships are, to be blunt popular. Notice how well it has worked for the Obama’s with Mom (grandma) moving in….
We’ve had enough hype, so use the opportunity to build strong customer relationships built upon your company’s mission, vision and values. In my coaching practice I see a lot of the entrepreneurial family businesses overlook the important piece of clarifying the company and family mission, vision and values. That’s why I wrote the work book "Beyond Marketing. Building Relationships." It walks you through the process of defining who you are, why you are in business and helps build that firm foundation that Book Yourself Solid is grounded in.
D: The Foundation is the basic building block of Book Yourself Solid….
So once we have that foundation how do we work that into the BYS Sales Cycle and Self Promotion strategies?
S: First, I think we both agree that very simply… keeping loyal customers is a lot cheaper and smarter than trying to find new ones. Having a sales cycle and a promotion strategy that is based on integrity and trust are primary no matter if you are a family-owned business or not. And when the name of the game is "trust the brand," the image of a family business pops to most minds. By long-standing tradition the public, both customers and shareholders see family-run companies as more humane, more nurturing and more ethical, especially in these days of bankruptcies and failures that many appear to be based on greed and deceit.
Your customers (and the public) become emotionally invested in your success yet, be aware the family values are not the only enhancer for your brand. You must sell your product or services based on the benefits and value they offer. Know that features and benefits are not the same. We generally don’t buy a product for its company, why buy a product because we need or want what it does.
As a customer, we may take a closer look and give the business a positive intention if we identify with their values but we still only buy a product if it fills our need and is priced fairly. You still have to market on the features and benefits. In any business you need a well-thought-out marketing plan, family or no family." Consider Columbia Sportswear from right here in my backyard of Portland, they have a slogan they use every so often "One tough Mother," in one ad they have Gert with a tattoo, and in the next they show the jacket, or whatever the are promoting, being wore in rugged, tough situations, so you get to laugh and identify with Gert and see the features and benefits of the products. Just a side note, humor works well family promotion or not…
Listen into the Radio Show, now.
Have a great day whatever your adventure.
Sharon
Stop red flags before they become your white flag
Have you ever checked caller-id and cringed? Remember, you are in control. Even in today’s economy, a checkbook and pulse do not a client make…. You do get to choose who you work with.
“Everybody and Anybody” are not target markets. There are people that energize and inspire us and those that don’t. Why risk your reputation and sanity working for someone that you cannot do your best work with. So how can you tell before you start work? Ask to see the potential red flags
Ask open-ended questions. Open-ended questions are those that cannot be answered with a yes or no, such as:
–Tell me about a past job(s)?
–What are your expectations/ requirements for this product/ service?
–What process did you go through to determine these requirements or needs?
–How do you see this happening?
–What is it that you’d like to see accomplished?
The key is to listen closely to what they do and don’t say… Are the expectations reasonable? Are they realistic with their time frame, budget and needs? Is everybody else at fault? It’s harder to do, but try to listen to what they don’t say including their non-verbals, are they rolling their eyes as they talk about someone (a sign of disrespect) or is it said with a sarcastic tone…
It is okay to say thanks but no thanks…
To create a rewarding business that helps more people in the long run, sometimes you have to do uncomfortable things. It is not self-centered or egotistical to say no. Keep of list of referral partners or simply say, "Thank you, this isn’t something I do." Your business (and life) is yours to design. Take time to attract the people you are meant to serve. Part of choosing the “right client” involves gently steering the wrong ones away.
I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.—Bill Cosby
Why do I need a business coach?
Many entrepreneurs and small business owners are great at what they do yet often times without much experience at running a business… this can leave them feeling overwhelmed, overworked, burnt-out or just tired of trying to figure it out. Sometimes you can get so engrossed in figuring-it-out, you may "not being able to see the forest, but for the trees…."
Business Coaching can be a powerful tool for change and is most often directed toward the entire organization. Coaching is a support system based in powerful, action-oriented conversations, brainstorming, planning and implementing with all stakeholders. It provides accountability and an outside sounding board. Coaching can confront challenges, overcome fears and explore opportunities.
Business coaching brings the business owner an extremely valuable resource — a different perspective. Coaches do care about their clients, but they don’t have the same emotional attachment or overwhelm by day-to-day details, personnel relationships, company breakdowns, emotional attachment, etc.
What to look for in a Business Coach.
First, close relationships often develop between a client and a business coach. Yet know your coach was not hired to be a friend. Business coaching is not therapy or consulting either.
Business coaching typically does not involve writing long reports and handing it over to you to implement the “solutions.” A business coach works with you over a period of time, setting strategies, plans, and goals. Accountability is key to business coaching.
An effective business coach makes a long-term commitment to help you solve problems and redefine the future. When you hire a business coach you want to make sure that both you and the coach have a mutual understanding of your vision for your business. A quality coach has a system of accountability for both you and themselves. Be aware there is no watchdog or governing board for the business coaching industry.
A typical system of accountability would include a process for reportable benchmarks. Benchmarks could be launching of new systems and processes for your business, increased revenues or market share, meeting of specific goals, perhaps new products or innovation, less stress, increased employee productivity, etc.
Business Coaching is…
• The accountability that most of us need to keep us on track.
• An outside observer that can offer a different perspective.
• Brainstorming and conversations that create synergy to achieve.
• A wealth of experience of others, including best practices, new systems and processes, ideas and skills.
• A safe, non-judgmental environment to gain clarity and make purposeful, strategic decisions.
• A flexible plan of action, working through changes, fears and obstacles as they appear
Business coaching helps:
* Clarify your vision and purpose
* Negotiate more effectively
* Solve problems
* Identify and take advantage of opportunities
* Increase business revenues and personal income
* Design a plan of action
* Reach previously unattained goals
* Make decisions quicker
* Make a major transition
* Communicate clearly and confidently
Businesses are using coaching because it is a cost effective way to achieve strategic results. The foundational keys for business success – experience, accountability and effective communication can all be developed and enhanced through business coaching.
Remember, business coaching is a safe space to explore your options and opportunities in business and life. Create a new vision or mission, overcome obstacles, conquer fears, dream and achieve your goals.
©2008 Sharon Sayler
Author’s Bio
Sharon Sayler, MBA, Certified Book Yourself Solid Coach and Family Business Success Strategist offering consulting, training and production services that support your family business to put your passion and purpose into practice. As a certified group dynamics and behavioral coach, Sharon’s interactive coaching and workshops use systems, tools and examples based on more years than she cares to divulge in family-owned businesses, a career in business coaching and her long mentorships with Michael Port, of Book Yourself Solid fame and Michael Grinder, one of the foremost authorities on non-verbal communication. She is the host of Beyond Lip Service on the Blog Talk Radio Network and producer of Michael and Friends on the Booked Solid Network. A sought after speaker and author of "Life’s Short Live Passionately" and "Beyond Marketing Building Relationships" she relates business and communication solutions and skills on persuasive presenting, marketing and copy. Her e-zine called "Best Impressions" can be found at www.sharonsayler.com and www.impressionengineers.com/
