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Review: When gestures have meaning…
Always encouraging to get positive feedback on What Your Body Says (and how to master the message)!
Take a look at this review from B Tripp…
Have a wonderful day whatever your adventure
Sharon
Here's one of those “surprises” that came in from the folks at Wiley (helllooo, FTC). When this first came in, I was thinking “what am I supposed to do with that?”, but because it was relatively short, and I'd hit a snag on another project (you'll hear about that eventually), I decided to slot it into my reading a week or so back. I was very happy that I did!
As long-time readers of my main blog space will recall, I used to be fairly active with my local Toastmasters group (before taking that job in Evanston in 2007). One of the things that seemed to be a challenge to even the most accomplished speakers, though, was body movement, and especially congruent body motions which enhanced your message delivery. Well, Sharon Sayler's What Your Body Says (And How to Master the Message): Inspire, Influence, Build Trust, and Create Lasting Business Relationships (a remarkably bulky title for a book that runs only about 180 pages!) should definitely be on their reading list, as by following her basic set of instructions, most (especially new) speakers would have their presentations greatly improved.
Now, I have to confess that I have not tried practicing or implementing the suggestions in this book, but the general focus and direction of the material seems fairly plausible (I also have no idea how this might run counter or redundant to other “body language” books out there). However, the approach seems both reasonable and not particularly difficult to add to one's repertoire.
While there is quite a lot of material about how to “work a stage” in here, this is by no means a book “about public speaking”, as a lot of it is targeted to small presentations, intimate groups, and even one-on-one situations. The main thrust here is to develop body language habits (primarily in the “what do I do with my hands?” ballpark) that will allow congruent messages in one's physical presence to match what one is saying. I don't know about you, but I am frequently taken aback when I see figures on TV who are clearly giving out two (or more) messages, and being able to avoid that in my own communications sort of hooked me on this book!
As I noted above, this is a fairly thin volume, and a non-negligible amount of that is involved in diagrams, tables, etc. One might think this would be a negative, but in this case it prevents the author from attempting to be “encyclopedic” and creates a fairly tight focus on hand/arm movements, stances, tone and pacing of voice, and a few other key elements. When one is done reading What Your Body Says you will likely feel that you “have a handle on” this basic set of skills, know how to apply them, and are only a bit of practicing away from making their integral to one's communications skill set.
One of the things I found most fascinating here were the issues of timing of gestures, how and why to hold a hand position long, how to disassociate oneself with bad news, how to “change subjects” with motions, and similar practices. Here's a snippet on a related subject:
A verbal message has two parts: the actual spoken word and the silent pause between the segments, sentences, and thoughts. The silent pause allow the speaker to breathe. A silent, gestured pause allows the speaker to breathe and emphasize key parts of the message. Holding a gesture still (keep the same gesture, do not move it) throughout the pause allows the listener's mind to see, feel, interpret, and internalize the message, which adds more impact to the verbal message.
The first part of the book discusses the concept of “signals”, what they are, how they work, why they influence one's audience, etc. This then moves into several chapters on types of gestures, “Gestures of Relationship”, “Gestures of Location”, “Gestures That Teach”, and “Gestures of Expectation and Influence”, each of which is broken down into sub-sections on specific elements of these general areas. She then covers material about the eyes, and the voice, and then how to pull all the various bits together. Again, this is fairly brief and to-the-point, so there's lots of things condensed into this limited space.
This is brand-new (in fact, I just noticed that its official release date is August 2nd), so you should be reasonably successful in finding it at any general-interest local book vendor. Amazon, of course, has it at about 1/3rd off the cover price, which is probably your cheapest option (bizarrely, some of the new/used guys have copies of this already, but many have it priced higher than Amazon does!). If you are a communicator, be it on stage, on video, in meetings, in groups, etc., I suspect that you will find this a very useful book, and if you're in Toastmasters, I think this will likely give your presentations a big jump in effectiveness. Again, it's just me, but I'd not encountered as compact and “easy to implement” guide book on going for body/speech congruency before this, so I'm pretty enthusiastic about it.
Interview: Some skills that will help…
Excited to see positive review of What Your Body Says.
Here's an interview/review from The Job Stalker of the Chicago Tribune. Enjoy!
Every once in a while I'll be surprised by a book, and this was one of those cases. This came in from Wiley a couple of weeks back, and my first thought was "Huh?", as this is certainly not a "job search" book per se, nor particularly in my main interest zone. However, I'd gotten bogged down in another book and was looking for something brief that I could finish in July (I try to read at least 72 non-fiction books per year, which works out to six a month, so there is a sense of urgency sometimes in trying to keep those numbers where they need to be!), and this looked like a good candidate.
Well, I'm glad that I pushed Sharon Sayler's What Your Body Says (And How to Master the Message): Inspire, Influence, Build Trust, and Create Lasting Business Relationships to the top of the to-be-read pile, as it is a fascinating look at how to get your verbal and non-verbal communications in sync. As I note in my review, this would have come in very handy when I was active in Toastmasters, as even advanced speakers there still seemed to have problems with their body movement, and this book would be a great help in that context.
Again, this is certainly not a book about the job search, but it teaches skills that would be quite useful in networking and interview contexts. Needless to say, somebody who has a high degree of congruency in their levels of communication is going to be perceived to be a much more impressive figure, which can only help! In her answers to the questions below (after the cut), Ms. Sayler provides some specific advice for the job seeker, focusing a few things that are in the book for the interview situation.
Q: Briefly, what's your background?
A: I have an MBA, and consider myself a Communications Success Strategist. I teach people how to match their body language to what their mouth is saying. I combine my understanding of communications with a solid business background. I've served as a communication director for several companies and have owned a number of successful businesses. I consider myself a serial entrepreneur and an avid lifelong learner with practical, real-world application of nonverbal communication. Along with being an independent coach and consultant, I'm an associate of Michael Grinder and Associates, one of the foremost authorities on nonverbal communication and group dynamics.
Q: Have you had notable job-transition experiences?
A: Not really notable job-transitions, just many jobs early on as I searched for what I was meant to do.
Q: How did you come to be a communications coach?
A: I became a communications coach through the power of a mentor. Mentors are one of the best ways to accelerate your learning. About 13 years ago, I realized I was being misunderstood a lot! When something confuses me I dive right in and learn everything I can about it. During that study of communications (and miscommunication) I learned the power of our nonverbals. It changed my life, the way others understood what I was saying, and the confidence it created. After studying for several years, I wanted to share my life-changing knowledge and have had the opportunity to go to work along side my mentor Michael Grinder, a foremost authority on nonverbal communications as a consultant and coach.
Q: Why did you decide to write a book on business body-language?
A: Our non-verbals are the most often overlooked cause of misunderstandings. We all think about the other guy's body language (non-verbals) but rarely our own.
Words are only a small part of communication. The most influential part of communication is your nonverbals. Your nonverbals can actually destroy or produce the results you want, such as inspiring employees to do better work, calming angry customers, creating fans in the marketplace, and closing sales. I often hear from people who wonder why they are not taken seriously at work or why, when they mention an idea at a meeting it isn't heard, then some guy mentions the same idea 10 minutes later and becomes a hero. These are usually symptoms of your body language not matching what your mouth is saying. It is amazing the change in someone when with just a few simple tweaks to their body language, they have whole new opportunities open up for them at work.
Q: Do you have any specific tips that would help somebody in the job search?
A: On first meeting, make appropriate eye contact by placing your gaze at their eyes or slightly above. Never below in a business setting, placing your eye contact at the nose or lips is too personal for business. Maintain good eye contact without staring. Too much eye contact can be creepy–the old adage "look them in the eye" is only good if the interviewer is making the same amount to eye contact. Take your cues from the interviewer, if they occasionally look away, it's okay to glance away – but certainly never to your watch or out a window as if something is more interesting than that moment with that person. Second, a genuine slow smile with a small gentle nod. A slow smile is perceived to be more sincere than a large, quick smile. The handshake is a bit like a dance. If the interviewer offers the hand, certainly shake hands–meeting their same grip and tempo–no loose-grips or death-grips allowed. Maintain good posture both standing and sitting. Often I see good posture standing, then slouching or crossed arms or legs when sitting. We often feel more comfortable with people "like us." If the interviewer is more casual (and casual is appropriate to the position for which you are applying) it's okay to cross your legs, but certainly not your arms. Too much is read into crossed arms. They can mean anything, from too cold to gas … yet all too often it is read by others to be closed or hiding something. Crossed arms is a gesture loaded with assumptions. Stay away from crossing your arms in an interview. Finally, the key number one nonverbal that will put ourselves and others at ease quickly is to be aware of our breathing. Low, abdominal (normal) breathing is key to looking and feeling confident and relaxed with the added benefit of more oxygen to our brain. More oxygen to the brain the quicker and more intelligent our answers can be.
Q: What do you feel makes your book unique?
A: This is not a book about learning to read other people's body language. It focuses on being consciously aware of what messages your nonverbal cues are sending. Quickly reading one movement or a single gesture of someone else's body language more accurately tells how they are feeling in the moment, not how they are thinking. If you had hours to spend observing someone's behavior, you might begin to understand what he or she is thinking. However, you would, at best, still be making an educated guess.
My aim is to provide the reader with enough new ways to look at non-verbal communication so that when one approach isn't working, you have enough tools in your toolbox to try something else. What you do with your body has a significant impact on how others perceive you. Once you use a few of the techniques in this book, you will never think about communication in the same way.
Q: Aside from your book, what resources do you recommend?
A: The least expensive is one of the best, observe others' nonverbals and notice how they make you feel. If they make you feel good, study and adapt them to your situation. If they don't make you feel good, make note of what happened. Practice, practice, practice. It's wonderful to practice eye-contact and a slow smile in the grocery checkout line or with your local barista.
Q: Any additional words of wisdom?
A: No one is born a great communicator. Great communicators have learned behaviors we often refer to as charisma. Part of charisma is learning to use your nonverbals intentionally. Instead of spending your time worrying about the other person's body language, control what you can, your own body language. Each time we make a commitment to learn something new we grow and change. Learning to observe and adapt can at times feel challenging. Give yourself grace as you practice and incorporate understanding the nonverbal messages you are sending.
As noted, this was a pleasant surprise in that I found the information in it potentially quite useful … it's a fairly compact, but intense, read, with a reasonably tight focus on a core group of skills. The author has a web site up at http://whatyourbodysays.com, with some additional resources, and, as usual, a more in-depth look at the book is over in my review.
http://www.chicagonow.com/blogs/job-stalker/2010/08/some-skills-that-will-help.html
How to Be a Wealthy You: Creating Breakthroughs in Money
Double your money, double your success!
Our guests on Beyond Lip Service (#BlogTalkRadio – http://tobtr.com/s/1159888) July 20th are a powerful double duo who have teamed up to bring a cutting edge process to create real breakthroughs in money and increase your business.
Nan Akasha, CHT is a hypnotherapist, a Spiritual Money Attraction & Wealth Creation Mentor and Wealth Esteem expert. A #1 bestselling Author of “Already Rich! Secrets to Master Your Money Mind” you can find her at www.createyourownrealitynow.com
Loren Fogelman Since 1984, Loren has provided support through therapy, focusing on the mindset to help her clients reach their peak potential. Loren is a masters level therapist passionately devoted to helping her clients reach their peak potential. She is also a certified advanced Emotional Freedom Techniques Practitioner and her website is www.mindsetformarketingsuccess.com
Nan and Loren are going to share with you today the 5 key areas people and entrepreneurs get stuck in creating more income, attracting money, and building a business and a life aligned with purpose and passion. Their class coming up August 4th is called Wealthy You: Creating Breakthroughs in Money and you can see all about that at www.mindsetformarketingsuccess.com/wealth
On this show, just some of what we will learn is:
- Unique and dynamic way to create breakthroughs.
- How we have breakdowns in our lived right before big change, and transforming breakdowns into breakthroughs, and why now it is so vital to do this.
- Why the mindset is so important in transforming and in attracting the new life, income… that we desire.
- Why is it people tend to focus on lack instead of abundance, and how can we create breakthroughs to abundance.
They have designed a 5-week class to create breakthroughs by using hands-on techniques, tools and guidance.
Week 1: Breakthroughs in Doing the right things, at the right time, with the right intention: Includes; Getting started Getting out of your comfort zone, taking action, feeling stuck, procrastination, overwhelm,
Getting everything done, Concentration, Consistency.
Week 2: Breakthroughs in Worthiness, Wealth Esteem Courage and Confidence through Life Purpose Alignment. Includes: Boost your Worthiness and Abundance through Aligning with your life purpose that I deserve it, I don''t deserve to be wealthy, Searching for abundance via my life purpose. Worthiness, Courage, self confidence
Week 3: Breakthroughs in Client (job) Attraction & Charging what really worth (with ease). Includes: Valuing yourself & your work, Charging enough, meeting new ideal clients, finding the right customers
Week 4: Breakthroughs Blocks, Beliefs and Clarity. Includes: Limiting beliefs, Feeling blocked, Getting clear, How to get rid of limiting beliefs and feelings
Week 5: Breakthroughs in Fear, Failure, Loss and Debt. Includes: Getting over the fear of losing my wealth, Having debt, Saving money. Dissolving fear of loose into a vision to attract and grow.)
They have a passion to help people create breakthroughs, and transform their income satisfaction and build a life of purpose… and they have a special offering to make it possible for listeners of Beyond Lip Service and fans of What Your Body Says on Facebook. — $100 off the already low price of $497. Our price is $397.00 sign up. This special price is good through July 22, plus get a bonus audio on transforming breakdowns into breakthroughs.
Learn more on becoming a Wealthy You! Creating breakthroughs in Money — find out more by going to www.mindsetformarketingsuccess.com/wealth/
The face to trust
What is it about someone's face that makes us trust them?
We choose to trust or be on-guard within seconds of meeting someone…. Why? A study by Princeton psychology researchers found we are most likely to trust someone who has a U-shaped mouth and eyes that form an almost surprised look and not trust those faces, that the edges of the mouth curl down and the eyebrows point down at the center.
Sneak a peak at the Princeton psychology researchers computer-generated range scale of Trustworthy Faces.
Communication Relationship Breakthroughs
Susie and Otto's communication secret is "Be totally transparent." Speak your truth yet in a loving way that allows the other person to want to share with you. Often times we get bound up in fear, it takes courage to step out and start new ways of communicating.
It all starts with you; be willing to be the first to own up to whatever "games" you might have been playing. A very common game is the "Gotcha game" where you both "know" you are right and work towards proving you are right and the other person is wrong. As Susie said, "Go on the no-blame diet."
Otto quoted "Everything you do and say is going to move you closer to or further away from what you want." It all starts with your intentions. Work on becoming aware of what's not working. Be willing to ask for feedback. Determine what you want, what is your center and how you want to be — come from the place of love and appreciation.
Choose language that is specific and you oriented – not the other oriented. Stop the drama. Use language such as "I'm wondering if…" or "Are you open to…" instead of "You did…" or "You should…."
This is just the tip of the great conversation Susie, Ottto and I had. Listen in here #BlogTalkRadio at http://tobtr.com/s/1040149
Bio:
Susie and Otto Collins are married partners, authors, speakers and Breakthrough Relationship Coaches–specializing in helping people create conscious, connected, passionate relationships. They are authors of "Stop Talking on Eggshells," "Magic Relationship Words" "Sho…uld You Stay or Should You Go?" "No More Jealousy," "How to Heal Your Broken Heart," "Relationship Trust Turnaround," and "Red Hot Love Relationships."
How do I know what I offer
Through email support I received this question….
Q: I continue to struggle with defining my target market in a way that makes a lot of sense, but your feedback last week was most helpful and I have a meeting scheduled next week to meet with the director at one of the local colleges. She is excited about my thoughts, so I am hopeful that I will come out of the meeting with some clear ideas about needs and how to approach those I can help.
A: Wonderful news about the meeting, even without a target market completely defined keep moving forward — remember as a small business owner waiting doesn't work.
Remember, one way to stand out from the rest to your target is to specialize, really specialize. Most small business people are good at a lot of things, so you may have to choose THE ONE that JAZZES you most – this will make you stronger and do not fear you are omitting something your clients need. If they love you they will always say "Oh, by the way…." and you say "Of course, I can….
If you don't think you have a specialty, then it's probably your natural gifts and those come so naturally to you that you just assume "If I can do it, so can everyone else." Ask friends what your gifts are to them, what are others always asking you to do are a couple of ways to uncover your gifts.
Sometimes what makes us the most special is hiding in plain sight!
Dealing with change in the workplace
Strategy number 1: Be realistic about change. Change will happen. Create ways to work with intention. Always be scanning for new, better ways to work and create new understandings.
Strategy number 2: Be open to feedback and create the place for dialogue. We've all heard misery loves company, but staying around those with that mindset can bring us down. You are who you hang out with! Seek feedback from those that have been down your road. those on the same journey and those that will always love ya! (Make sure those that will always love ya will be those that give you honest feedback, all to often close friends or family give you a pat on the back without offering new perspectives or a view from "the outside looking in."
Strategy number 3: Don't wrap your heart around one central idea. Be flexible, is the key to overcome challenges and know that all roads to success never run smooth, especially if you allow those brain pathways to become ruts.
Listen in to Laura and I – it was a great half-hour on how to adapt to the ever-changing world.
Have a great day whatever your adventure
Sharon
Twitter: www.twitter.com/ssayler
About Laura: At On Impact we are dedicated to bringing products to the marketplace that help organizations successfully maneuver the wild road of change.
Laura Goodrich is an expert in workplace dynamics and change. Greg Stiever is an Emmy award winning producer and director. The core of their work is storytelling. On one side of the house, they produce professional video stories that are internationally distributed. The videos are incorporated into training programs or are used to kick off or close important meetings. Their successful video Seeing Red Cars is internationally distributed. The book Seeing Red Cars – Driving People, Teams and Organizations to a Positive Future (Berrett-Koehler) will release January 2011. On Impact will release their next video in 2010; Shifting Years: Leverage The Power of Generations. On the other side of the house, On Impact, and Laura Goodrich brings to the marketplace products dedicated to creating positive change and to help organizations define the Future world of Work.
Laura Goodrich does a video blog about strategies that help people successfully maneuver the next decade. On Impact has developed Iphone apps, audio stories, ring tones and products that serve as reminders and reinforcement of their messages. Additionally, they have developed a process that helps organizations deal with their most pressing challenges. This process, call Driving It Home, uses a technology portal, video storytelling spaced over time and social tools to engage employees; it is particularly well suited to tackle organization’s most wicked problems ranging from strategy execution, branding, transformation initiatives, and workforce collaboration (i.e. silos, generations, diversity). It is designed to leverage the strengths of employees to take on their most pressing challenges and move the organization’s dashboard needle into the success zone!
Website (1): www.onimpactproductions.com
Website (2): www.seeingredcars.com
Facebook Personal Profile: www.facebook.com/
Twitter: www.twitter.com/lauragoodrich
5 Essential Strategies for Gaining Clients
Robin Leonard joined me on Beyond Lip Service Radio, listen in to find out how to create Client Loyalty. Robin breaks in down into the 5 Essential Strategies for Gaining Clients for Life. We all know that it is easier to keep and grow our existing clients than attract new ones. So why do so few businesses have a plan to ensure clients for life?
In these times, it is more important than ever to put the customer first. You need to find customers/prospects who have a genuine interest in purchasing your products because they think it can add value to their lives in some way.
1. Put your customers at the heart of your business
2. Know your customers intimately.
3. Do what you say you are going to do.
4. Don’t give them the opportunity to go somewhere else.
5. Communicate, communicate, and communicate!
Listen in as Robin Butler Leonard, a sought-after business marketing coach shows us the key elements to building a stronger and more loyal client base. As a Book Yourself Solid® certified coach, Robin is passionate about helping small business owners and solo entrepreneurs build profitable and sustainable businesses that are primed and ready for future growth.
With over twenty years of marketing experience, Robin has directed public relations, marketing communications, brand development and strategic planning for countless small businesses as well as numerous Fortune 100 companies including Sony, Ford and HP. A frequent speaker on client loyalty and retention programs, Robin helps her clients attract, retain and grow their client base. Learn more about Robin at www.greenlightideas.com.
Find out more about Communication Coach Sharon Sayler's work at: www.sharonsayler.com
The FTC changed the rules-they may affect your website.
Most of us use testimonials on our websites and recently the FTC changed the rules. I wanted to share today was the power of the testimonial and recommendations from trusted sources, such as customers and clients (and the occasional boast by your Mom.) Study after study shows that word of mouth, referral and testimonial carries the most weight with consumers. They bring credibility through a third-party endorsement. It is no longer you alone saying that you and your products / services are amazing. It is actually consumers saying that you are the answer to their problems.
So, it's understandable why most of us choose to use them in our marketing. Yet, too many unsavory types have spoiled the testionmial so the "BIG BOYS" aka the FTC has some new guidelines that took effect in December (2909) and they are confusing at best.
Now, I'm not a lawyer and I don't even play one online. If you use testimonials or endorsements in any way in your business… then these new FTC rules may apply to you. We have a great white paper report on using testimonials that I just updated with how I understand the guidelines to work (remember, this isn't legal advice nor is the report legal advice.) Go get the report now: it's at http://www.impressionengineers.com/testimonials-work/
Almost forgot… can you believe it is the first of February already, where did January go? (I know, I was holed away writing a book.) But that just means I have to speed up to catch up with the rest of my 2010 goals. How are your 2010 goals going? I recently gave a talk on getting your goals done called "A Human Being or a Human Doing." The notes are up on the website too, when you pop-over there to get the report of Getting and Using Testimonials to Get and Keep Clients you can download the notes too if you are interested….As always have a great day whatever your adventure.
To Success! To Life!
Sharon
p.s. The FTC has new guidelines if you sell your products through affiliates or you sell other people's products as an affiliate, too. Our latest report doesn't address affiliates, if you need help complying for your affiliates or affiliate products please contact us. OR read all the new FTC guidelines for both testimonials and affiliates at the FTC website:
http://www.ftc.gov/multimedia/video/business/endorsement-guides.shtm
I have a favor to ask, if you enjoy the ramblings and rants of Best Impressions would you encourage others to join? I am trying to grow our community and the best way is to ask those that know and like you to ask their friends… hopefully they hang out with like-minded people right? Ways to join the community are on the left hand side of my blog
http://www.sharonsayler.com/blog where I always post these notes to you as well.
Our Radio Show Beyond Lip Service welcomes the Coach Davender Gupta for a great disucussion titled In Case Of Emergency: How To Avoid A Project Disaster. If your project or your business is heading towards disaster, what can you do to get it back on track? In this discussion, Coach Davender Gupta will show you a simple process to take control of the situation and steer it back onto the path to progress.Davender Gupta is a business leadership coach and Certified "Book Yourself Solid" Coach whose mission is to guide passion-driven solopreneurs, professionals and people with Big Ideas to accelerate their Vision from Passion to Profit. Join the discussion on his blog http://www.frompassiontoprofit.com and his main site http://www.coachdavender.com. He welcomes your questions by e-mail at coach@davender.com or by phone, toll-free, at 1-888-788-8844.
Join me this Tuesday 1:00 PM Eastern/10AM Pacific for Beyond Lip Service at
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/beyondlipservice
In memory of Shadow
We lost our office shadow…
our loved pooch Shadow on December 23.
Your happy-go-lucky, enjoy the moment attitude will be missed.
.gif "In memory of Shadow")
