This coming Monday January 30th I’m going to be on Coach World TV LIVE from New York!

Sponsored by ICF-NYC. A weekly television show like no other that promotes the field of coaching.  Coach World TV is a popular prime time live cable TV show in Manhattan that airs on Monday nights at 8:00pm on the following channels:

    Time Warner Cable TV channel 56
    RCN channel 83
    Digital channel 111
    without cable box on channel 17

And on Verizon FiOS the line up is:

    MNN #1 – Verizon FiOS channel 33
    MNN #2 – Verizon FiOS channel 34
    MNN #3 – Verizon FiOS channel 35
    MNN #4 – Verizon FiOS channel 36

Coach World TV can also be viewed on the Internet at: www.mnn.org. 

Tune-in below to the radio interview I did with Laurie and Bernie last year. It was a blast!
 

As I mentioned in my last post, I’m spending the New Year in Normandy at a Chateau. Some of you have asked to see, so below is a picture of the south side of the Chateau, off in the far background to the right, is the Seine River.

This Chateau has seen hundreds of years of history. Some more recent history (in terms of the Chateau) is the 4 center columns still have bullets holes from when the German SS took over the Chateau and the Scots came over the hill and drove them all to their deaths into the Seine River at the liberation of France or so the story goes….. They’ve repaired many of the mortar and bullet holes, but wanted to leave a few for the sake of the "history" of the place.

As I always say enjoy the adventure. 

Two great opportunities I’ve discovered this adventure…. Recommendations

I had no idea I would be spending New Year’s Eve with cookbook and lifestyle author Jane Webster at her home the Chateau de Bosgouet and a group of her friends. I’m glad I jumped at the opportunity! Ms. Webster is a charming host. She prepared a marvelous multi-course dinner for a "small" gathering. I put small in quotes, for me, I would have been overwhelmed with the number of dinner guests, but Jane made it look flawless. The dinner was fantastic.

As well as being a charming host, amazing cook and an accomplished author, Jane runs an unique culinary school / home stay experience known as "The French Table" from the Chateau de Bosgouet. I spoke with several at the party that had attended The French Table and it sounds absolutely thrilling. It now goes on my "To Do Soon" list.  More about Jane, her books and cookery school can be found at http://sharonsayler.com/FrenchTable

Another fabulous find is (tea) Thé Des Imressionnistes. I found it at the delightful "thé" (tea) shop Mariage Freres.  I admit, I can be a tea snob, but I just can’t get enough of this one. The scents alone in this shop are worth a trip, but if you can’t make it to the shop(s), do check out their site http://www.mariagefreres.com/ if you are or know a tea snob.

Enjoy your adventure wherever it may take you.

To Success! To Life!

Sharon

A couple days ago guest blogger Gary Ryan Blair shared 15 ideas to save you time, energy and money in “What is this two-letter word costing you?”.

But, how do you say no? In business, saying no is often about respecting and valuing your most precious commodity, your time.

How To Say “No”

When you must say no, be direct. Saying no is not a time to beat around the bush. Although no often sounds more polite with a short pre and/or post-amble, “I’m sorry, I can’t,” just begs for a reply of “But why?”

A short explanation proactively stops the inevitable “Why?”  

Pre and post-amble examples:

• “What an interesting project, thank you for asking however I can’t commit at this time because…”
• I know how important this project is to you.  I just can’t fit it in. It wouldn’t be fair to you to not give it my full attention. I have to (complete, accomplish, finish)….

Replies such as the two above work well when business associates are asking for a favor or partnership, etc.  It is a way to acknowledge their ideas or efforts without accepting the offer or responsibility. They are very affirmative when written in first person.

If you are worried that the “no” might cause an angry reaction, speak in the third person. An interesting little quirk of communication is that by speaking in the third person you depersonalize your statement and make your calendar the “bad guy” and not you. Examine the different response you have as you read the following example:

• “Unfortunately, the calendar just doesn’t allow time to take on this event.”

The above comment stands on its own, however you can always add a softener with a “because…” or “perhaps in 2 months….”

• “Unfortunately, the calendar just doesn’t allow time to take on this event.  There are too many other obligations at this time perhaps .”

If the person is pushy, you can always stall with “Let me check, I’ll get back to you,” or I’ll have to review my current obligations, I’ll tell you tomorrow.” It’s considerate to put a timeframe on your stall. Be sure to honor your commitment and respond either positive or negative.

Situations vary; consider combining, mix and matching, adding, and subtracting parts until it feels just right for your situation. Learning to say no will make your relationships run smoother. Being nice at the expense of yourself helps no one. With these few simple suggestions the reaction isn’t as bad as what we imagine.

— Does the word “no” rarely part your lips?

— Are you always worried about what others will say if you say "No"?

— Maybe you think "nice people" just don’t say no….

What is not saying NO costing you?

I know, even the thought of saying "No" can cause stress.  "I can’t say "No, to <INSERT NAME>." and  "My <INSERT GOOD CAUSE> needs me!"  Saying "No" brings out all kinds of negative emotions especially guilt.

If it makes you feel any better, you’re not alone.

Not saying no is rarely about just saying yes when you really want to say no.  No is a boundary and one of the most difficult things to do, for women in particular, is draw boundaries and keep them in place. We always tell ourselves "<INSERT NAME> depends on me to…." Now, I’m not talking about saying no to everything.

Where should you draw the line? Of course only you know the answer to that. It is up to each individual. To help give you some great starter moves I asked, Gary Ryan Blair if I could share his recent e-letter on "Saying No."

I thought it very relevant as we review 2011 and prepare for 2012.  Incorporating even just a couple of Gary’s 15 ideas below will save you time, energy and money. Vow to make 2012 your year to say NO to what really doesn’t serve you.

——–

No, No, No

   by Guest Blogger Gary Ryan Blair

Saying No is the world’s best, fastest and easiest productivity strategy, primarily because it simplifies.

You will succeed on the basis of what, where and how you say "no". And "Saying NO" allows you to get more control over your daily life and activities–IMMEDIATELY!

For the first 100 days of 2012, you must resolve to give "NO" the strategic resolve it deserves!

The following are fifteen simple, effective and empowering strategies that you can use to get results–IMMEDIATELY!

1.) What strategies, initiatives and activities will you say "no" to?

There is great feeling, focus, empowerment, and impact when everyone agrees on paper the activities that will not be done.

Pull out a piece of paper and list all of the superfluous activities that can slow down, or prevent progress from happening altogether.

Everything is fair game and absolutely nothing is sacred in this exercise. Simply put, if it does not advance you forward, then say no!

2.) What meetings will you decline or delegate?

List every meeting you have in place for the foreseeable future and determine which you will NOT be attending. Meetings consume large chunks of productive time, most are run improperly and inefficiently, and most can be declined or delegated to someone else.

3.) What relationships will you not keep?

The way you manage your relationships has an enormous impact on your ability to perform at consistently high levels.

Identify the top three energy-draining relationships, that you are committed to saying "no" to for the next 100 days. Then focus on creating strategies to free yourself from each of them.

4.) What measurements will you ignore?

Say goodbye to all lagging indicators and ONLY pay attention to measurements related to customer satisfaction and the levers that directly drive sales, margin, operating expense and ROI.

5.) What customers will you not target?

Identify your IDEAL prospect, client or customer and quit chasing every opportunity as it’s a complete waste of time and resources. Once identified, you must then articulate who you will NOT target.

Finally, make decisions on segments of your customers that deserve "VIP" treatment.

6.) What competitors will you not follow?

Way too much time is lost by following and focusing on too many competitors and so-called guru’s. Identify the top three and immediately remove yourself from all of the other email distribution lists, blogs and other related communications.

7.) What websites will you not visit?

Web sites are like magnets and vampires, as they draw you in and suck away productive time. Pull up your list of favorites, delete most of them and keep only the ones of greatest value. You must institute a "No Surfing" policy and stick to it.

8.) What money will you not spend?

Put yourself on a fiscal diet as every dollar spent should be thought of as an investment towards greater operating income — even petty cash. With this in mind, what things, or even entire budget categories, will you not spend?

9.) What trips will you not make?

It’s hard to deny the power of ‘showing up’ in person as great things happen when you show up and interact with customers and colleagues. Nonetheless, trips consume massive gobs of time and money. Therefore, consider how you can use technology to replace trips, and only travel when it can make a big impact towards your primary goals.

10.) What foods will you not eat?

Reaching the next level of performance and productivity begins with how you manage energy. It’s disturbing to see the immense amount of human and corporate potential squandered due to the misuse of energy.

Unhealthy eating habits, lack of exercise, negativity, sarcasm, unfocused goals and strategies are all contributing factors to energy loss. Focus in on your nutritional intake and exercise by eliminating any food, or drink that compromises your energy levels.

11.) What excuses will you not engage in?

Excuses drain energy, time, production and profits. Have a brutally honest conversation with yourself and determine the excuses or behaviors that you must do away with. I’m aware that it’s easier said than done, but you will NOT be able to achieve your true potential by fighting for and repeating useless behavior.

12.) What will you not say?

Develop the habit of saying NOTHING that does not move the ‘agenda’ forward or uplift others. Speak ONLY of the solution, and waste not a second on the problem or blame.

You will save a lot of time and mental energy which can be directed towards more useful activities.

13.) What thoughts will you not entertain?

Remember that which does not move you towards your goal, takes you away from it. Therefore remove those thoughts that are limiting, defeating or downright negative and consciously choose to replace them with thoughts of abundance, optimism, and positivity. Don’t tolerate negative thoughts or conversations from yourself or others.

14.) What television shows will you not view?

If there was ever a time hog that needed to be slaughtered, television tops the list.  In even a moderate TV-watching household, it’s simply amazing how many hours are spent in front of the box. The solution–go cold turkey!

15.) What will you no longer tolerate from yourself or others?

Saying "no" and meaning it is the easiest word for setting a limit, holding firm to boundaries, and being clear about what you will or will not do. Identify the standards you wish to measure your life by and refuse to lower or negotiate at any time, nor for any reason.

Use the veto power of "No" regularly and with conviction as it’s a powerful strategic weapon that you can use to maximize your results in the first 100 days of the New Year.

————-
About Gary Ryan Blair from http://www.100daychallenge.com/

The 100 Day Challenge is a revolutionary extreme performance acceleration system that is responsible for transforming business and human potential into extraordinary results worldwide. Visit http://www.100daychallenge.com/ and take the 7-Day Test Drive.

Wow, can you believe it?

I know it’s hard for me to believe that the Holidays are here and 2011 is almost over!

A HUGE THANK YOU to everyone for making 2011 one amazing ride – What Your Body Says (and how to master the message) hit the bookstores a little over one year ago.  The book has been published in 5 languages since it’s release and it is now being used as suggested reading in Universities around the world.

I can hardly believe it but I was even recently voted one of the 50 Authors You Should Be Reading in 2011. I’ve traveled around the world lecturing; coaching and consulting for those that want to fast-track their business for success by learning to communicate to get the results they want and make the kind of money they know they deserve.

If you are not getting the results you want consider…
Is your body language is sending unconscious self-sabotaging messages?

But back to why I wanted to offer a Holiday Special:

When I wrote What Your Body Says (and how to master the message) I wanted to make a difference in people’s lives in a positive way. I knew from my own experience tiny little changes to body language will change your world.

I’ve herd from many of you how it has helped you develop new, deeper relationships and be understood the first time….

Now, I know, it’s making a REAL difference in people’s lives – it’s just really cool! So as a thank you for everyone here’s what I’ve dreamed up, go to this special link,

http://sharonsayler.com/2011-holiday/

and invest in one book at the Holiday Special Price of $10 + S&H and receive another copy FREE*.

I know it sounds NUTS giving away my book, and maybe it is… I can only do it for a limited time – if you want to get it in time for the Holidays – so hurry, pop over to

http://sharonsayler.com/2011-holiday/

and grab them right now.

Just imagine a FR*EE* copy to give to someone or some place, a school, maybe even library that could really use it.

I’m happy to personalize both copies too if you like at no additional charge to make it a truly special gift!

To personalize buy the books then forward me the email with the receipt and tell me specifically how you want them personalized.

Have a great day whatever your adventures

To Success! To Life!
Enjoy the Adventure
Sharon
Author of What Your Body Says (and how to master the message)

*(Just cover S&H [$4.95] on the second copy.)

I recently read an article by author and life coach Ann Thomas. I enjoyed her thoughtful approach and questions. Ann graciously said I could share with all of you. Enjoy.

Is Your Relationship Growing or Going in Circles?

Do you remember watching fairy tales and seeing the words, "And they lived happily ever after" written at the end of the movie? When I was a little girl, I used to think that it meant that Cinderella, the Little Mermaid, and Snow White never had a fight with their beloved. I thought that they stayed in eternal bliss.

In contrast to these fairy tales, the couples on TV or in the movies who argued ended up divorced, drunk, or unfaithful. They seemed miserable. These experiences made me think that a good relationship meant eternal bliss and that if my partner and I argued, we were doomed. Having such a rigid and unrealistic expectation, set me up to fail in many of my earlier relationships. Then I realized that arguments and dissatisfaction at times is a normal part of every relationship. The key is being able to discern whether the arguments are helping your relationship grow or whether they keep you going in circles.

Arguments are a normal part of any relationship. They are also more likely to occur as one or both of you evolve. Here’s a few reasons why people in relationship argue:

•Arguments can be a dysfunctional habit you picked up from your family of origin (note, you may unconsciously engage in the behavior even when you’re actively trying to change it).

•If you fear intimacy (e.g., because you didn’t feel loved as a child or you were badly hurt by an ex), arguments can arise as a way to create distance.

•Arguments may occur when one or both of you "changes" (even if that change is for the better) because the primal fear of the unknown may be triggered.

• Arguments can arise as a way to try to obtain unmet needs.

Write down the answers to the following questions to help determine whether the arguments in your relationship are productive:

1. Are we arguing about the same things over and over again? If yes, what has improved?

2. Do our arguments remind me of something from my past? (e.g., does the subject matter, energy, or dynamic between the couple feel familiar)

3. Do I spend more time dealing with challenges in the relationship than being in a place of peace?

4. Does our arguments help me avoid an activity or a feeling that I don’t want to experience?

5. Does our arguments help me feel something that I am longing to feel (e.g., feeling in control, passion, loved, etc.)?

6. What is my part in keeping the cycle of arguments alive?

7. How am I growing and evolving from this relationship? (What am I learning about myself, the other person, or about relationships?)

Evaluate your answers. As you read through your responses, what does your intuition or gut feeling tell you about the nature of these arguments?

•Are they productive (even if only incrementally)?

•Where is there room for improvement?

The mates we choose often trigger and test our limits, offering us the perfect platform to evolve. Nevertheless, arguments in relationships should be productive, yielding to a more satisfying and intimate relationship for both of you. If you feel like your arguments go in circles and that you are not being heard, or receiving the support that you want, it’s time to get some help. Consider working with a therapist or coach that works with couples. A neutral third party who can help everyone understand the situation better, serve as a translator and offer effective communication tools. But don’t forget, the first step to any healthy relationship is to start with a strong and healthy you!

Ann also recently appeared on my Beyond Lip Service Radio.

We had a delightful conversation on: Master your mind through Radical Self-Love

During my interview with Ann we will find out how radical self-love is the key to unshakable happiness and success.

1.    How to connect to the divine essence within you.
2.    The importance of honoring your body.
3.    Why you need to be emotionally authentic to be truly happy.
4.    How to master your mind to reduce your negative thoughts and create more positive ones.

Listen in here:

More about Ann:

Ann Thomas, Esq., CPCC, ACC, is an author, certified life coach, and founder of Evolving Goddess. Ann specializes in helping high-achieving women who, despite their apparent success, feel unfulfilled and are self-critical. As the author of 101 Affirmations for Radical Self-Love (available at Amazon.com) and creator of the Radical Self-Love System™, Ann gives participants the short-cut to sustainable happiness. This system guides women through the process of taking 100% personal responsibility for their lives, actions, and emotions, which becomes the catalyst for lifelong happiness – from the inside out. Learn more about Ann and her upcoming events at www.EvolvingGoddess.com

• Does leading your team make you think that herding jello would be easier?
• Maybe you knew you wanted to be a transformational leader but now the only thing being transformed is your blood pressure.
• Worse yet, maybe you aren’t "really the leader" so what can you do other than sit there and sizzle….

I know, I hear you, I’ve been there too. Over the years I’ve both been on teams, lead teams and facilitated many a meeting and the one thing I can count on coming up time and again is personality conflicts. These conflicts are not outright fist-to-cuffs, yet personality conflicts produce a simmering and stewing underneath the surface.  They start small, often between just two members, then slowly infects the entire team.  If left untreated it can lead the entire team to become so dysfunctional that all progress grinds to a halt.

Sure we can say, "Let’s all be ‘adult’ about this," but what does that really mean?  In my work, I’ve called those people who can see all sides and bring divergent personalities together a liaison. While  some people are innate liaisons I know liaison skills can be learned. 

While modeling for others and coaching team members to develop liaison skills, I’m always looking for ways to further the participant’s understanding of the exact skills and behaviors a person needs to be a liaison. Now, I’ve found it, thanks to Les McKeown’s new book The Synergist.

Often the greatest variable in success are the people involved in the process. In The Synergist, Les builds upon the groundbreaking work of his last book Predictable Success and goes into detail about how any individual can lead a group to success with or without the formal title. 

The Synergist breaks down the three main personality styles we often have to work with, how they work (or don’t work) together and how we can become (and help others become) that person that provides the synergy to propel our team forward, transcend our baseline behaviors and quickly, precisely and powerfully become a leader of leaders whether you have the corner office or not.

If you work with others and want to quickly become the go-to person, I highly recommend you buy The Synergist.

Enjoy the adventure
Sharon

Note: I meet Les in 2010 when we were both speaking at Book Breakthrough NYC. That photo to the left is Les and I together at that event. I wanted you to know while I did get an advance copy of The Synergist, I have no connection, financial or otherwise (other than I like the guy and his work) with Les or his books. I just like to share knowledge that I find relevant, helpful and easy to implement. I like Les’ books a lot and highly recommend them – pre-order The Synergist today.

Wow, can you believe it – it’s hard for me to believe that it’s been one year! A HUGE THANK YOU to everyone for making it one amazing ride – What Your Body Says (and how to master the message) hit the bookstores one year ago.  Happy Birthday (or is it Anniversary), what a difference a year can make!

I’ve been all over the place – LA, Houston, San Diego, Santa Barbara, Cleveland, Manhattan, New Haven, Miami, Seattle, just to name a few, (frequent flyer miles here we come) and then there was Canada, Europe and Asia…. whew….

Asia is why I’m a little late getting this email out as I just got back from China and a tour of universities with a group from Yale. What a great time had by all, but this gal from Oregon sure got beaten’ back by the heat, humidity and sadly smog…. so, it’s taken me a few days to recover.

But back to why I wanted to get this email out to you:

When I wrote What Your Body Says (and how to master the message) I wanted to make a difference in people’s lives in a positive way. I knew from my own experience tiny little changes to body language will change your world.

It will help you develop new, deeper relationships and be understood the first time…. but when you put something like a book out there, something you’ve placed your heart and soul in you never know what or how it will happen…

Now, I know, it’s making a REAL difference in people’s lives – it’s just really cool!

During my travels this last year, I’ve had the opportunity to meet young people too. I’ve met with universities all over the US – from out here in the west with the Leadership Council at the University of Oregon to the east landing in New Haven at Yale plus, What Your Body Says has landed across the seas to places like Professor João Paulo’s Linguistic and Communication class in Porto, Portugal. They even sent me a great picture – see it here —

http://www.sharonsayler.com/anniversary

With my opportunities to speak to young people— I’ve help them prepare for interviews in this tough job market—helping them stand tall, confident and credible and ready to tackle the rough road ahead. It gives me such hope for our future, all around the world, meeting professionals and young people alike and having the opportunity to share with them what I’ve learned over the years and what I’m passionate about!

So, for all those young people I’ve met and others I hope to meet soon, I’ve decided to hold a special Anniversary / Back to School Sale.

Here’s what I’ve dreamed up, go to this special link,

http://www.sharonsayler.com/anniversary/

and invest in one book at the Anniversary Special Price of $10 + S&H and receive another copy FR*EE*.

I know it sounds NUTS giving away my book, and maybe it is… I can only do it for a limited time – until I take off on my next tour this Sunday – so hurry, pop over to

http://www.sharonsayler.com/anniversary

and grab them right now.

Just imagine a FR*EE* copy to give to someone or some place, a school, or library that could really use it.

I’m happy to personalize both copies too if you like at no additional charge to make it a truly special gift!

Have a great day whatever your adventures

To Success! To Life!

Sharon
Author of What Your Body Says (and how to master the message)

*(Just cover S&H on the second copy.)

A Literary and Musical Celebration of those who make a Difference in Our Community

Acts of Love: Parenthood is a very special, one night only, original theatrical WordTheatre® production with music performed live by John Doe, preceded by an awards reception honoring a distinguished member of the Autism Community, to raise money and awareness for autism.

One of her tips is

Hang a new ornament. Create rituals specific to yourselves as a couple such as an evening devoted to preparing a special meal, hanging those new tree ornaments that remind you of  times together, sharing recollections of special moments in your history and future possibilities – anything that enables you to celebrate your union.

Rituals are an important part of relationships and I'd like to share a favorite of mine. it's so easy to get carried away with "hussle and bussle" we forget the true reason for our happiness – our relationships.

I wanted to share one we use here in the Sayler home. I learned it from a friend and mentor, Michael Grinder about 10 years ago and it has really changed the way we enjoy the Holidays. In the decade, I've been sharing the idea and I've heard back from others the way they have adapted it – all fun.

The original idea is to create a small treasure box (great if you have kids or are crafty) otherwise find a special place for safekeeping. Throughout the year, add notes of all successes and triumphs. At the Holiday meal, have a small ritual and open the box. Each member reaches in and pulls out a note, reads it to the gathering (rarely is it their personal note) and everyone shares in the joy of remembering the good things that happened throughout the year. (It's all too easy to forget those and remember the not so positive).

And my all time favorite Holiday stress buster and relationship-closeness tip: Anytime is a good time for a good laugh! Besides the obvious, it gets the blood flowing, the heart pumping and brings a rush of thought clearing oxygen to the brain!! All stress-reducers.