A great little bit of wisdom here in this story shared by my friend and fellow coach Ann Convery.

Never Show Them Your Toolbox

Jack was a spectacular business consultant.

His corporate clients increased their sales by 20-30%. 

All his prospects wanted to know how he did it. He never told them.

“I tell them I sell 20% more revenue,” said Jack, “and then I shut up.”

“I never say:  “You will have to change your behavior, grow new habits,
and get your leadership and sales under control.” 

They would say, “Ugh!  That won’t work!”

Jack knew that the moment he showed people how he did it, or
showed them the tools in his toolbox, they would stop being excited
about his results and start thinking.

Thinking thoughts like,

“I’ve done that before.”
“Oh, I’ve heard of that.  Doesn’t work.”
“Sounds too hard.”
“I have to do WHAT?”

When you tell people beforehand how you get your results….
they will use a variation of the 3 most dangerous words in the English language,

“I know that!”

And all the excitement, the anticipation, the mystery, the intrigue, will vanish.

Telling people how you do it is dangerous.

It gets their “Little Brain” thinking…

and all it can think of is why your process won’t work. 

~ Because it’s never experienced success with you before. ~

See?

The Little Brain can’t imagine what it hasn’t experienced.

So don’t go there.

Don’t show them what’s in your toolbox.

Try it.  It works.

About Ann Convery Ann’s signature system, "You’re So Brilliant, Why Don’t They Buy?" is responsible for transforming business-as-usual into 40-60% increased income, doubled lists, 60% opt-in rates, and other spectacular results. Visit http://www.youresobrilliant.com/ and check out the audio. Or visit www.annconvery.com for an overview.

A couple days ago guest blogger Gary Ryan Blair shared 15 ideas to save you time, energy and money in “What is this two-letter word costing you?”.

But, how do you say no? In business, saying no is often about respecting and valuing your most precious commodity, your time.

How To Say “No”

When you must say no, be direct. Saying no is not a time to beat around the bush. Although no often sounds more polite with a short pre and/or post-amble, “I’m sorry, I can’t,” just begs for a reply of “But why?”

A short explanation proactively stops the inevitable “Why?”  

Pre and post-amble examples:

• “What an interesting project, thank you for asking however I can’t commit at this time because…”
• I know how important this project is to you.  I just can’t fit it in. It wouldn’t be fair to you to not give it my full attention. I have to (complete, accomplish, finish)….

Replies such as the two above work well when business associates are asking for a favor or partnership, etc.  It is a way to acknowledge their ideas or efforts without accepting the offer or responsibility. They are very affirmative when written in first person.

If you are worried that the “no” might cause an angry reaction, speak in the third person. An interesting little quirk of communication is that by speaking in the third person you depersonalize your statement and make your calendar the “bad guy” and not you. Examine the different response you have as you read the following example:

• “Unfortunately, the calendar just doesn’t allow time to take on this event.”

The above comment stands on its own, however you can always add a softener with a “because…” or “perhaps in 2 months….”

• “Unfortunately, the calendar just doesn’t allow time to take on this event.  There are too many other obligations at this time perhaps .”

If the person is pushy, you can always stall with “Let me check, I’ll get back to you,” or I’ll have to review my current obligations, I’ll tell you tomorrow.” It’s considerate to put a timeframe on your stall. Be sure to honor your commitment and respond either positive or negative.

Situations vary; consider combining, mix and matching, adding, and subtracting parts until it feels just right for your situation. Learning to say no will make your relationships run smoother. Being nice at the expense of yourself helps no one. With these few simple suggestions the reaction isn’t as bad as what we imagine.

— Does the word “no” rarely part your lips?

— Are you always worried about what others will say if you say "No"?

— Maybe you think "nice people" just don’t say no….

What is not saying NO costing you?

I know, even the thought of saying "No" can cause stress.  "I can’t say "No, to <INSERT NAME>." and  "My <INSERT GOOD CAUSE> needs me!"  Saying "No" brings out all kinds of negative emotions especially guilt.

If it makes you feel any better, you’re not alone.

Not saying no is rarely about just saying yes when you really want to say no.  No is a boundary and one of the most difficult things to do, for women in particular, is draw boundaries and keep them in place. We always tell ourselves "<INSERT NAME> depends on me to…." Now, I’m not talking about saying no to everything.

Where should you draw the line? Of course only you know the answer to that. It is up to each individual. To help give you some great starter moves I asked, Gary Ryan Blair if I could share his recent e-letter on "Saying No."

I thought it very relevant as we review 2011 and prepare for 2012.  Incorporating even just a couple of Gary’s 15 ideas below will save you time, energy and money. Vow to make 2012 your year to say NO to what really doesn’t serve you.

——–

No, No, No

   by Guest Blogger Gary Ryan Blair

Saying No is the world’s best, fastest and easiest productivity strategy, primarily because it simplifies.

You will succeed on the basis of what, where and how you say "no". And "Saying NO" allows you to get more control over your daily life and activities–IMMEDIATELY!

For the first 100 days of 2012, you must resolve to give "NO" the strategic resolve it deserves!

The following are fifteen simple, effective and empowering strategies that you can use to get results–IMMEDIATELY!

1.) What strategies, initiatives and activities will you say "no" to?

There is great feeling, focus, empowerment, and impact when everyone agrees on paper the activities that will not be done.

Pull out a piece of paper and list all of the superfluous activities that can slow down, or prevent progress from happening altogether.

Everything is fair game and absolutely nothing is sacred in this exercise. Simply put, if it does not advance you forward, then say no!

2.) What meetings will you decline or delegate?

List every meeting you have in place for the foreseeable future and determine which you will NOT be attending. Meetings consume large chunks of productive time, most are run improperly and inefficiently, and most can be declined or delegated to someone else.

3.) What relationships will you not keep?

The way you manage your relationships has an enormous impact on your ability to perform at consistently high levels.

Identify the top three energy-draining relationships, that you are committed to saying "no" to for the next 100 days. Then focus on creating strategies to free yourself from each of them.

4.) What measurements will you ignore?

Say goodbye to all lagging indicators and ONLY pay attention to measurements related to customer satisfaction and the levers that directly drive sales, margin, operating expense and ROI.

5.) What customers will you not target?

Identify your IDEAL prospect, client or customer and quit chasing every opportunity as it’s a complete waste of time and resources. Once identified, you must then articulate who you will NOT target.

Finally, make decisions on segments of your customers that deserve "VIP" treatment.

6.) What competitors will you not follow?

Way too much time is lost by following and focusing on too many competitors and so-called guru’s. Identify the top three and immediately remove yourself from all of the other email distribution lists, blogs and other related communications.

7.) What websites will you not visit?

Web sites are like magnets and vampires, as they draw you in and suck away productive time. Pull up your list of favorites, delete most of them and keep only the ones of greatest value. You must institute a "No Surfing" policy and stick to it.

8.) What money will you not spend?

Put yourself on a fiscal diet as every dollar spent should be thought of as an investment towards greater operating income — even petty cash. With this in mind, what things, or even entire budget categories, will you not spend?

9.) What trips will you not make?

It’s hard to deny the power of ‘showing up’ in person as great things happen when you show up and interact with customers and colleagues. Nonetheless, trips consume massive gobs of time and money. Therefore, consider how you can use technology to replace trips, and only travel when it can make a big impact towards your primary goals.

10.) What foods will you not eat?

Reaching the next level of performance and productivity begins with how you manage energy. It’s disturbing to see the immense amount of human and corporate potential squandered due to the misuse of energy.

Unhealthy eating habits, lack of exercise, negativity, sarcasm, unfocused goals and strategies are all contributing factors to energy loss. Focus in on your nutritional intake and exercise by eliminating any food, or drink that compromises your energy levels.

11.) What excuses will you not engage in?

Excuses drain energy, time, production and profits. Have a brutally honest conversation with yourself and determine the excuses or behaviors that you must do away with. I’m aware that it’s easier said than done, but you will NOT be able to achieve your true potential by fighting for and repeating useless behavior.

12.) What will you not say?

Develop the habit of saying NOTHING that does not move the ‘agenda’ forward or uplift others. Speak ONLY of the solution, and waste not a second on the problem or blame.

You will save a lot of time and mental energy which can be directed towards more useful activities.

13.) What thoughts will you not entertain?

Remember that which does not move you towards your goal, takes you away from it. Therefore remove those thoughts that are limiting, defeating or downright negative and consciously choose to replace them with thoughts of abundance, optimism, and positivity. Don’t tolerate negative thoughts or conversations from yourself or others.

14.) What television shows will you not view?

If there was ever a time hog that needed to be slaughtered, television tops the list.  In even a moderate TV-watching household, it’s simply amazing how many hours are spent in front of the box. The solution–go cold turkey!

15.) What will you no longer tolerate from yourself or others?

Saying "no" and meaning it is the easiest word for setting a limit, holding firm to boundaries, and being clear about what you will or will not do. Identify the standards you wish to measure your life by and refuse to lower or negotiate at any time, nor for any reason.

Use the veto power of "No" regularly and with conviction as it’s a powerful strategic weapon that you can use to maximize your results in the first 100 days of the New Year.

————-
About Gary Ryan Blair from http://www.100daychallenge.com/

The 100 Day Challenge is a revolutionary extreme performance acceleration system that is responsible for transforming business and human potential into extraordinary results worldwide. Visit http://www.100daychallenge.com/ and take the 7-Day Test Drive.

Meet Izzie…. my little "rescue" dog with a mighty wonder-lust for adventure.

Listen into my latest podcast (It’s just 3 minutes long) and find out what little Izzie taught me last night….

Then please share with me below ways you have found to get out of your own way….

episode-111-izzy

My good friend and outstanding coach Andrew Finkelstein, shared this personal reflection with his community the other day. I enjoy Andrew’s insights and thought this one very relevant to everyone.

How To Think Like an Entrepreneur

As the clock struck 12:40pm I walked into the salon. The young manager looked up at me and politely asked “how may I help you?”

“I have a 12:45pm appointment with Zack (a manager from another business branch who I was to coach), is he in yet?”
 
“No” she hadn’t seen him to which I replied “that’s ok I’m a few minutes early anyway”
 
“Yes you are and he should be here momentarily.”
 
“That’s good because I don’t know who he is…it’s our first meeting and you know how important being on time is. As a matter of fact, being on time is one of the four ingredients that make for success in business and in life.”
 
The moment I said that I knew she’d say “so what are the other three?”
 
First there’s doing what you say you’ll do. Then there’s always complete a project you start. Finally always say please and thank you.
 
“That’s it? That’s all there is to it? It sounds too simple” she replied.
 
“It is simple” I said. “The only thing is 95% of people don’t do these four things. But the top 5% in every field do. And that’s what makes them the top 5%.”
 
With that, precisely when the clock struck 12:45, Zack walked into the salon – I knew we were off to a good start.

Thanks Andrew for sharing!
To Life!

Andrew Finkelstein, President of the Beauty Resource, is a successful New York City-based entrepreneur, author, speaker, and coach who helps professional beauty businesses make a ton of money. Andrew’s E-zine The Finkelstein Report is the beauty industry’s #1 marketing resource with free articles, marketing tools, and valuable advice for salons and day spas owners. Find out more about Andrew at http://www.TheBeautyResource.com 

My good friend Angela Carr Patterson, The Love Lifestyle Coach (
www.thelovelifestyle.com
) wrote this great post for her blog last week. I wanted to share her insights with you, she has graciously agreed to be a guest blogger.

I find this "issue" she writes about not just a woman talking with their man communication problem. As you read Angela’s insights, consider that it’s not a specific gender issue. Command and control communication can be brought home by either gender. If you manage people all day long, leave those management skills at the office. Your personal partner didn’t fall in love with a manager, firefighter, teacher, solider, they fell in love with you.

If you value communication consider Angela’s insights and share your thoughts with me on the comments section.

A Good Man is Hard to Find…Or Is He?

Posted by The Love Lifestyle Coach

Beyond Lip Service Radio show for January 4th 2011

In this fascinating Beyond Lip Service Radio show, Fawn Christianson from www.PowerandGraceInstitute.com shows us how to demystify the repeating self-sabotaging and unconscious money habits that can keep people trapped.  Money can have intense emotions around it, usually from childhood.

Fawn shares, "Who you were then is not who you are now, yet many people let these childhood beliefs hold them back." Fawn coaches people to come to peace with their past and strongly suggests, "Do not use the past to forecast your future."
With that in mind, she has a simple 4 step process to undercover why we do what we do with money.

Step One: Look at last month’s bank statement. For each transaction, write out the answer to "I spent that money because I was… it could be paying the light bill or scared that I would not look good at the New Years Eve party. Get real about this. What fears are "making you" spend money?

Step Two: Answer truthfully, What I really wanted was….  It could be to make a good impression at the party, make Amy jealous, etc…. Get real here too!!

Step Three: My underlying need was for…. It could be acceptance, love, security, etc.

Step Four: Write three creative ways you can get that need met without spending money.

In this interesting Beyond Lip Service Show, Fawn shared the money is an energy form that can drain us or fill us. It’s up to us to decide which we want and get real with our money in 2011. Thanks Fawn.

It is a marvelous sunrise this morning. My breath is visible. The air is a crisp 26 degrees. Deep blues melting into brilliant pinks spilling into a shimmering golden glow. As the gold brightens, the pink deepens into a penetrating burgundy casting a purple hue over the bare trees. Spellbound, the emerging sunrise takes my breath away, while, now is the moment to breathe it in….

Have a wonder-filled day and enjoy the adventure.

Thank you Cara, (www.CaraLumen.com) for sharing this lovely tale with me.

“Tell me the weight of a snowflake,” a coal-mouse asked a wild dove.

“Nothing more than nothing,” was the answer.

“In that case, I must tell you a marvelous story,” the coal-mouse said.

“I sat on the branch of a fir, close to its trunk, when it began to
snow – not heavily, not in a raging blizzard – no, just like in a
dream, without a wound and without any violence. Since I did not have
anything better to do, I counted the snowflakes settling on the twigs
and needles of my branch. Their number was exactly 3,741,952. When the
3,741,953rd dropped onto the branch, nothing more than nothing, as you
say – the branch broke off.”

“Having said that, the coal mouse flew away.”

“The dove, since Noah’s time an authority on the matter, thought about
the story for awhile, and finally said to herself. “Perhaps there is
only one person’s voice lacking for peace to come to the world.”

“From the New Fables, Thus Spoke “The Caribou” by Kurt Kauter.”

Happiest of new years everyone and be sure to enjoy the adventure of it all.

Sharon

She recently unfollowed 16,100 people on Twitter and I applaud her for it. I have started to follow her unfollow lead…. Now, I’m not doing a mass dump of everyone like she did. However I have been in serious overwhelm trying to give attention to the over 5000 that I had been following – they are coming in at about 30 more before I’m done reading one. It really is a disservice to them and to me.

Of course, I’ve been using tools to help me keep it straight, my favorite is HootSuite, yet even with that I was being bombarded with stuff I really don’t care about, spammy, not useful and sometimes just plain rude or vile. So, it’s time to cull the herd. I immediately cut out 1000, I will continue to cut down to a manageable size and if I accidentally cut you out and would like me to re-follow you just let me know here or @ssayler.

Relationships are my passion and the key to being good at what we are doing is being able to be of service, yet when we are doing too much to be good at it, it’s time to change! More coming…. spending this week in reflection, reworking and remodeling – ahhh, it feels good to change things up sometimes.

Have a great day whatever your adventure

Sharon

p.s. To read more about Shama and why she chose to unfollow everyone go to http://www.marketingzen.com/why-i-unfollowed-everyone-on-twitter/