Good day!  And a Terrific Tuesday to you!

Well, here we are again just a couple of days away from Thanksgiving.  Thank you for being part of my world.

Have you ever noticed that this time of year can bring out the best and the worst in us? Often our time to be grateful feels more like our nerves are grating….

Here are 3 of my favorite family survival tips – please share your tips in the comment section below! 

Survival tip #1:  Be Proactive.

We all know that the proverbially Uncle Joe or Cousin Sue are going to do what they always do. So, why are you surprised each year when it happens again? Prepare ahead of time how you will react. 

Just because you are asked a question, doesn’t mean you have to answer it.  Breathe deep. Smile and move on. You don’t have to defend anything. 

If smile and move on feels a bit too firm right now, enlist a family member to distract you when they see Uncle Joe or Cousin Sue start to close in for the "kill." Consider giving your ally a safety phrase such as “Marge, can you help pour the water?”

Speaking of water, drinking a glass of cool water or washing your hands in cool water, quickly cools off those negative responses, thoughts and feelings.

Survival tip #2: Know your NO. 

Life coach and friend Indrani from www.indranislight.org has a wonderful saying; “If you don’t know your No you will never know your Yes.”

Have courage and maintain boundaries.  Boundaries are about respecting yourself and others. When we set a boundary, we allow the relationship to stay in a good place. If others encroach on our boundaries or we have not set any, we often feel taken advantage of, which in turn, results in resentments. 

Respect others boundaries as well. If you don’t know what to say, be sure and avoid sensitive topics. Instead of “Have you found a job yet?” Ask “Catch me up on what’s happening?” If we speak only with positive intention, it helps keep the whole mood positive. Emotions are contagious — positive and negative.

(Indrani joined me on Beyond Lip Service Radio today listen into my interview on the topic of Getting from "I’m not enough." Indrani shares great tips on boundaries and other ways to move past negative talk.)

Survival tip #3: Use the GoBoD rule.

Two of the "favorite expectations" I hear in my coaching practice are "They should have known" and "It has to be perfect." 

When I hear "they should have known" my immediate response is "Why should they have known?" I have a friend who until recently didn’t know the difference between fudge and brownies, maybe you don’t either… it doesn’t matter. Yet, being a long time brownie fan and not so much fudge fan, I was surprised! In my world, they should have known – right? Why should they have known? It wasn’t part of the culture they grew up in. With fudge and brownies, it doesn’t matter what I expected or preferred as it makes no difference, yet sometimes it does make a difference.

We often expect others to be just like us or mind readers.  I have met some people like me, but none just like me and I’ve never met a honest-to-goodness mind-reader so the odds are not too good "they should have known" and did something to upset me on purpose .

This is where I call in the oldé GoBoD rule: Give others the Benefit of Doubt. Giving someone the Benefit of Doubt saves a lot of shoulding all over yourself and if the person continues after they know, reconsider if you want them in your life anyway.

As to the other common expectation, "It has to be perfect," or some variation thereof, let’s get real, perfect doesn’t exist.  When "it wasn’t perfect" or "it has to be perfect" is your war cry, step back and know that your “good enough” is most likely everybody else’s perfect.

Perfect is about control. We all know we can’t control what happens, the control we have is in how we chose to respond to what happened. Disappointment happens when our expectations of the “fairy-tale” and the event don’t match up.  Learn to make your expectations preferences and life will be much smoother. Things go much easier when we “prefer” something goes a particular way versus we “expect” something a particular way.

I have a sign on my porch that says, “Martha doesn’t live here and that’s a good thing.” It always brings a smile to those in the know…. 

Have a wonder-filled rest of your week whatever your adventures
To Success! To life!
Sharon

p.s. Wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving here in the States. And all of you, here and around the world, joy and abundance always. I am especially thankful and abundant this year as my coaching business has  grown and prospered.   I am honored you are part of my community and I am able to share and work with so many of you to reach your goals, bring your passions out and create the life our your dreams — that is what makes this the best job!

I’m taking the rest of this week off to spend Thanksgiving with my family and will be back in touch next week.

Meet Izzie…. my little "rescue" dog with a mighty wonder-lust for adventure.

Listen into my latest podcast (It’s just 3 minutes long) and find out what little Izzie taught me last night….

Then please share with me below ways you have found to get out of your own way….

episode-111-izzy

My birthday in Paris! Ou la la!  This was my first time in the city – what an amazing place.

Listen in to my crazy experience with cross-cultural communications and the use of nonverbal "jargon".

Author’s note:

Responding to gestures — especially smiles and other emotional facial expressions — is instinctive and cross-cultural. But while members of all cultures respond to non-verbals, we don’t necessarily do so in the same way, or consider them to have uniform meanings. For example; in North America, the okay gesture of the thumb and forefinger making a circle means everything is fine (or, “okay”). In Japan, it means money; and in France, it means empty or zero. In Brazil and Russia it can be an obscene gesture.

If you do a lot of international business, it’s a good idea to study up on what is and isn’t acceptable in various countries and across different societies. Observe the local culture in different companies as well as varied countries. When in doubt — or if you don’t understand what you see — just ask. The answer might surprise you.

Each corporate culture, profession or group has their own non-verbal gestures as well as have jargon. It’s impossible to know or write about all of them; but by examining the four main types of gestures in What Your Body Says, you will be steps ahead in getting your point across.  The four intentional gesture categories are:
-    Relationship
-    Location
-    Teaching
-    Expectation

There are countless gestures one can use to express elements of these four topics. Therefore, it’s best to learn, practice and adapt the basic ones. A fun way to learn about gestures and their meanings isafter reading What Your Body Says (and how to master the message) choose one and practice a new one each day and observe how others react. Then start to combine gestures to make patterns – it’s great fun to practice and experiment and then see how others react!  Only you know what you are practicing…..

Learn how your body language could be inadvertently destroying your direct sales success!
Do any of these sound familiar in your direct sales business?

— Getting up to share your products, your passion and purpose makes you weak in the knees

— Every time you try to close the sale or book a party you feel “pushy”

— You know WHAT to say, just not HOW to get your ideas and products taken seriously…

If you answered “yes” to any of the above questions, then join Holly Chantal and Sharon Sayler  on June 30th at 1pm eastern for ways to magically transform interested prospects into invested hostesses and recruits on-the-spot and leave both you and them feeling good about it with simple, easy to use nonverbal techniques from Sharon’s new book What Your Body Says (and how to master the message).

Got to http://www.blogtalkradio.com/streamlinedsuccess to set up a reminder or listen in!

Dr Clint's communication secret is "Get in the same circle with the person you are talking with."  Ever heard the term, walk in their shoes? That's what Dr Clint means…. learn to be flexible in the way you communicate.

Dr Clint shared with us today the first four steps in his 8 step Mental Toughness Paradigm

First, create a clear vision of what you are trying to accomplish.
Second, make a decision.
Third, engineer and develop the belief that will accomplish your goals.
Fourth, develop the commitment – know you are not going to quit.

Dr. Clint and I expand on these four plus so much more…. did you know that it doesn't take 21 days to change a habit?  Listen in for the 30 minute interview and find out how to obtain mental toughness and how long it really takes to change your brain.

Dr. Pearman's book The Gift is available on Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble.com. Watch for the release soon of his next book Copenology -The New Science of Success. Visit www.clintpearman.com

About Dr Pearman:
Dr. Clint Pearman served more than 31 years in the world’s premier leadership and mental toughness training and development organization — the United States Marine Corps.

While in the Marines, he developed the Mental Toughness Paradigm – applying cutting edge brain science research to teach people how to get their minds and brains to help them accomplish extraordinary things.

While working on his soon to be released book on the Mental Toughness Paradigm — Copenology -The New Science of Success, he became side-tracked.  In an attempt to provide his daughter with some insightful advice that would empower her to achieve her dreams and goals, he started writing her a letter. After 30 days of steady writing, the letter was over 300 pages long.

In 2009, The Gift – Twelve Ingredients to Improve Your Life was published after Dr. Clint was convinced by an editor to share the private book meant for his daughter with the world. Today Dr. Clint speaks to groups, large and small, about the Mental Toughness Paradigm, Copenology – The New Science of Success and his book The Gift. 

I just love his style, intelligent questions and converstation –  to learn more about Thomas and his show go to: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/Virtual-Coffee

This what he wrote about the interview–

What do you offer the world? Stop giving lip service to everything you want changed in the world. Be bold. Take action. SPEAK UP! Influential & persuasive communication is vital. You know what you want to say now learn to speak and present to be remembered…with your WHOLE body!

The most important way to be remembered is to make sure your body language is saying the same message as your mouth. Sharon Sayler, MBA, business consultant & a highly accomplished expert in marketing, presentations, and body language, is joining us today as she is completing her latest book to be published by John Wiley and Sons, What Your Body Says (And How to Change the Message) Inspire, Influence, Build Trust, and Create Lasting Business Relationships, in stores June 28

Sharon’s no-nonsense style is attractive to me because she gives you the straight-up "how-to" on unifying what you say with what you do with your body, allowing you to better connect so message really lands. She gives you a clear and simple process to follow with language that impacts people’s lives and emotions. Connect at www.impressionengineers.com/blog and on the show "Beyond Lip Service," at www.blogtalkradio.com/beyondlipservice

Pam’s communication secret is to "Tailor Your Message." Communication happens regardless of whether we think about it or not—why not tailor the kind of information they want. An example Pam uses is if your boss says "Just the facts," then honor that request with giving them just the facts. Learn to create an awareness of what you are trying to accomplish

Whether your objective is to be a more effective as a leader, gain a promotion, or secure a new position, your ability to communicate credibly with others is a key factor in achieving a successful outcome, so listen in to this informative 30 minute interview.

Pamela S. Harper, founder and president of Business Advancement Inc., professional speaker, and author of the critically acclaimed book Preventing Strategic Gridlock®, discusses “The Keys to Credible Communication.”

For over 20 years, Pam Harper has helped companies going through gut wrenching change to accelerate progress toward their objectives. She has been featured in a variety of popular media outlets, including Business Week, Entrepreneur, and Investor’s Business Daily, and her articles have been published in a wide range of trade and professional journals.  In addition to writing, Pam is a professional speaker. She is an honors graduate from Northwestern University, and is featured in Who’s Who of American Women and Who’s Who in America.

http://www.businessadvance.com — website

http://www.pamharper.com — blog

Author: Preventing Strategic Gridlock: Leading Over, Under & Around Organizational Jams To Achieve High Performance Results (Cameo Publications) Available through online outlets and neighborhood bookstores

On Beyond Lip Service we focus on taking Action in your life. Go beyond just giving lip service to what you want to do! Every Tuesday at 10am Pacific join Sharon Sayler as we go beyond lip service.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/beyondlipservice

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A great interview just full of ideas for blogging, making money from your blog and using social media to gain leads and exposure.

• What is the purpose of your blog and what is your strategy for content, audience and advertising?
• How are you using social media to bring them back to your blog?
• When determining the niche for your blog answer what is the common passion and what are the urgent needs?
• Is the niche reachable and findable?

Andy is an award winning blogger and author of Blogwild: A Guide for Small Business Blogging. He’s been featured in The Wall Street Journal, USA Today and The Chicago Tribune as an expert in social media and related technologies.

To learn more about Andy, and his upcoming course titled: "The Only Integrated, Comprehensive Blogging and Social Media System" on blogging and social media visit http://andywibbels.com/mp/

The topic today was "Who knows what you know and do they like you?"

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