Do you ever asked yourself, “Why do I allow others to dump more on my plate, treat me poorly and take advantage of me?” Do you allow “scope-creep” to eat up all of your profit and more? Or do you ever hear yourself saying “No problem” when your inner voice is screaming “No way!?” Then you have a “Boundary Issue!”
Let’s define not having a “boundary Issue” as Reciprocal Respect.
Those that tend to have “boundary issues” often make one or more of these three mistakes:
Mistake #1: Putting others “wants” ahead of our needs. Wants are not needs. Learn your needs. Needs are basic such and safety, financial stability or freedom, peace of mind.
Mistake #2: Not acknowledging or discounting how we feel. We often minimize our reaction(s). Too often we delete, distort and reframe our reaction; “Oh, they couldn’t have meant that!…”
Mistake #3: Not being direct and specific about what is going on for you.
- No pronouns. Using “that and it” are not specific.
- Use “I feel, I want, and I need” statements
- Suggest solutions or options
- Give your history to response, not theirs…e.g. “you always….”
- Future pace
The 3 key areas of body language to use with boundaries are eye contact, the tone of voice and breathing control.
Bottom line, we over-complicate and over-think so many of our communications. Find the power in simplicity. (Know that simplicity doesn’t mean worthless.) I think one of my favorite quotes sums up my view of boundaries.
If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it and this, you have the power to revoke at any moment.
~ Marcus Aurelius from Meditations
Specifically what you need to do to show the poise, ability, and know-how to walk into any situation, handle yourself and others with grace, self-confidence, and self-assurance — without fear or second-guessing yourself — so that you’re able to:
• Say “no” with grace and ease, in a way that preserves — and even enhances — valued relationships.
• Feel comfortable and in control speaking to anyone (even difficult people) about anything without conflict.
• Build permission, safety, and trust in relationships without saying a word by using proven techniques of gesture, posture, and voice to increase your influence and rapport.
• Systematically utilizing the full range of communication skills to reinforce consistent and fair parameters while preserving your relationships, regardless of unique situations, personality styles or even cultural backgrounds.
Learning how to set personal boundaries will immediately produce hard and fast results in your business and in your life so listen in for more great ideas with Charmaine Hammond and Monika Burwise and myself at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/charmainehammond/2013/05/08/guests-monika-burwise-and-sharon-sayler