Have you considered we all understand a different language, even when we speak the “same” language…?
Below I share some highlights of Janet Allison’s (http://www.boysaliveevent.com/) conversation with Bev Martin, communications expert (http://www.bevmartin.com) on the Boys Alive! On-line Event: Discover HIS World.
Thanks Janet and Bev for sharing part of your interview here:
When you’re in a foreign country, your experience is richer if you understand and speak the language. We constantly convey messages TO our children—messages of what-to-do, of safety and well-being, of morality and self-esteem.
Yet, are we speaking THEIR language so they can understand us? When you know HIS language – and speak it – he will be able to hear you better!
What “country” does he live in? You know the old saying, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do.” When talking to your boy (or your man, friend, colleague, etc…) DO WHAT THEY DO…they are giving you their map, if you listen!
Visual: When you ask him a question, does he look up to the ceiling to see the answer?
Visuals are often great spellers because they SEE the words. Visuals prefer less words – you might see an eye roll if you’ve talked too long. Visuals want to see what you’re saying – he might show you a youtube clip or draw you a picture.
Speak his visual language: use less words, use hand signals, post routines or rules in pictures or few words.
Auditory: Does he recite conversations back to you verbatim?
“He said…, then she said…., then I said…” Speak his language by backtracking, using HIS words. When you use your boy’s own words back to him, it lands on his ear as if to say: “Oh, you heard me.”
Speak his language: He is most at ease communicating with you ear-to-ear, rather than eye-to-eye, that means side-by-side and preferably with busy hands.
Kinesthetic: Do his eyes go down when you ask him a question?
He searches his feelings to find the answer. This may take a long time: he has to go into his feelings, dig deep, and then turn his feelings into words in order to reply. He gets stressed when expected to reply quickly (like in school).
Speak his language: give him time to answer, show your presence through touch. This is the boy who might just really like a great big hug rather than a big conversation.
It’s up to us to speak the language of our “child’s country.” They often have to adapt their own styles, especially at school. So, at home, if they can be understood (in their language), you are building a rock-solid relationship, you are speaking their language, so that they can then understand your messages of love, care, and safety.
If you’ve found this information inspiring and helpful…there is still time to tune in to the Boys Alive! On-line Event: Discover HIS World. Three weeks of experts giving you the MAP to help you understand your boy!
Week 2 begins Monday, October 17: Reframe your View of Boys!
You’ll hear experts speak about:
- The Four Temperaments
- How the Stories you tell influence his self-image
- Connecting with him deeply via Energy Medicine
- Instilling a Sense of Purpose (which he desperately needs!)
- Staying Connected with him during adolescence and beyond
And the best part? It’s free! All interviews air at 1 pm pacific and stay on-line for a full 24-hours. So even if you’re busy, you can hear the replay. PLUS as soon as you subscribe, you’ll be taken to the Treasure Chest – filled with parenting gold from our speakers!
Learn more about it at http://www.sharonsayler.com/BoysAlive