‘Fake It Until You Make It’ never works because FAKING IS FAKING!

How you talk to yourself is directly reflected in your nonverbal communication. You can’t stop it; how you think and feel – such as thinking ‘I’m faking,” and in turn, feeling fake – comes through loud and clear in your external communications. You tell yourself to fake it and your unconscious mind does just that, IT FAKES IT.

Your thoughts, feelings and behaviors/actions are all combined in the unconscious mind and they flow from your beliefs. The unconscious mind is literal. It takes every word you say to yourself as fact.  If we say, “fake it,” then that’s what it does! IT FAKES IT!  Tell yourself, “Don’t think of a pink elephant.” What is in your mind right now even though you told yourself not to think about it?

If I can’t fake it and make it, what can I do?


Since your actions and behaviors are tied to your thoughts and emotions, strategically and intentionally chose the actions and behaviors you would like to use to get the result(s) you want.

The easiest way is to Act As If.  Choose someone you admire for the specific skill(s) you would like to learn or adopt then observe their behaviors. When they are using those skills. What skills are they using to get the results you would like? Then ACT AS IF you are them, using those behaviors, and doing the skill(s). Now, I don’t recommend this for mimicking brain surgery or rocket science or similar, but I think you get the idea of how this works…

Example:  My partner is an extrovert.  As such, he has no problem walking up to complete strangers that ‘look interesting’ and starting a conversation. So, when I’m not getting the results I want or I am talking myself out of meeting someone at a networking event I ask myself, “What would he do?” I then step into his shoes and act as if I’m him.  I know it might sound silly, but Act As If works…. Try it!

Stepping into the ‘as if’ mindset and using the skills I see him use has shown me how easy it is to do those behaviors I resisted doing and to use the tools that are needed in that situation. My unconscious mind, thoughts, and feelings can no longer tell me I can’t do ‘that’ since I’ve already had the experience through Act As If.

In my coaching events, people are often amazed at how quickly their nonverbals including their voice patterns change, some even adopting accents without even realizing it. When we set an intention to Act As If our unconscious adopts the movements / patterns / thoughts / emotions necessary to make it work.

Remember, “Act As If” is not “fake it until you make it”.  Telling yourself to fake it is faking it. The brain knows the meaning of the word “fake” and it will make it look fake… so trash that model and always Act As If….

Enjoy the Adventure.
To Success! To Life!